|Reviews for To School|
| Small Wings Flying 1/15/13 . chapter 1
I find the idea of this poem rather intruiging, however I think it would have worked far better if the form was more fluid and structured. I can imagine it working quite well with rhyming couplets for example.
As far as the content goes, it's a very relateable concept even to those who don't go to school or have already left, for there is always a haste/shortage of time coupled with a journey towards knowing, and if I look past the direct relations to school I can see this relating to many other aspects of life: work, running a household etc...even chasing dreams. Particularly the "running for dear life" - so in that sense your word choices wind up being deceptively simple and therefore clever in that way. The "safeguard" coupled with the word "Nothing" - particularly capitalised the way you have" is interesting as well.
I think though that the repetition of "run to school" was rather diminished by the lack of structure in this. While you could make it work as a freeverse like you've done, I think using the couplet rhyme would have made the repetition of "run to school" stand out far better. Also, the restriction of syllables per line would make it stronger as well. Perhaps also consider adding punctuation - although the other option would be to make this into a flowing sentence, but I can't imagine how you'd get the repetition in there by doing that.