very good piece, very strong and full of emotion. Great job :)
Faith

konban wa

Wow! It's be so long since I've read anything from you other than haikus. I'd nearly forgotten you could write excellent poems as well! Truth be told this is not really the type of poem I'm used to reading because my style is the "no style at all" type. But I'm glad I read it because it was very well written.

I do actually like the half-style:

She's [verb]
[adverb] trying to [action]
[noun] is the reason she [action]
And she [verb]

It works for this poem, really. Kudos.

Ha det
-Shan-

Unique structure (i.e. the first lines of every section). A little dark, but I liked it a lot! :)

Nice poem.

A little morbid, but a nice poem. I like the way you started each stanza (drowning, falling, choking, dying). Nice Job.
--A Raindrop's Shadow