Interesting perspective. I like the candid attitude which adds humour (not to mention eye-rolling), and you hold some logical points despite not being terribly cohesive at parts. A bit repetitive though. And I think you could use a few analogies to your advantage. Can't wait to see what you've wrote for the contest.

Hmm... I didn't know that fictions/essays like this could even fit on

Anyways, it's definitely interesting... (Slight anecdote here...) I mean, I didn't 'want' to steal a girl from her boyfriend... just really hoped that there would be chance where I could be with with her. Long story short, they broke up, I jumped in...and not exactly 'crashed and burned...' I had become so attached to her (while she was still in the relationship) that she doesn't see me as her 'boyfriend' but more of something else. It makes sense because I would tell my friend that I have nothing more but the utmost respect for her... and would never (as you put in the essay) 'treat her as a piece of meat.' It just happens she sees me the same way... (or something similar)

A very interesting article... and I'm quite intrigued on 'accidentally' stealing one's girlfriend... Count me on for an Alert.

Decent concept to be writing about, but you'd probably get more of a response if you put this under essay, since that's technically what this is. People in Humor are looking for slapschick, and that this is not, though it's a decent subcategory.

As for the writing, it's a bit scatterbrained. No transitional sentences, for the most part, you just leap over to the next subject. In this proverbial movement, the reader gets joggled. You could have been gentler about it, methinks.

The reasons No.'s 1, 2, 3, and 4 are confusing. Are you referring to the points you made last chapter? Are you talking about the ideas you're pointing out in this chapter? What?

If it's the former, then you're better of making the list with the numbers, versus without. You know what you're talking about, but the readers need to be babied a little in essays. If it's the latter, then again, unless you actually use the numbers when you introduce the concepts in the first place you're better off reiterating.

There is also an overuse of parenthesis (I'm guilty of the same when I'm on a ranting roll whilst writing). However, it's like and overuse of "--". I love using both features, but they create the longest sentences I've ever seen and make the prose more like dialogue than anything. That's not prose's job, and it does not make things easier to read or more personal when you have overdoses.

And it takes some editing--I'm not even going to say how much this review's gone through--but eventually you can manage to create new sentences and paragraphs from expanding on some subject and cutting the fluff on others. Sometimes you have to cut sentences you love, but can't fit in anywhere. It's writing. It happens.

However, for these structural oopsies, the writing's also genuine. You can tell the second part has had more passion than the first (the increase in exclamation points help for the reader to see what concept you support).

But honestly? Most people on FP are courteous enough to respect another's opinion. And with perspective exploration like this your opinion is practically irrelevant. It's perspective exploration. It doesn't need to be anything more or anything less. There's no need to feel the need to defend yourself, my friend.

This piece isn't the greatest it can be, no, but it's got a lot of potential, as does your other work (I'm a lurker. Don't ask me where the reviewing inspiration came from. It's like writing inspiration like that). And if you feel so inclined I could beta a couple of things for you and help. Of course, no hard feelings if not. This is a bit of an awkward ending.

'Til next,
CD 1.0

PS: I would say that writing the essay on accidentally stealing someone's girlfriend would suit this mini series. Because of the concept it would make sense for you to get more than just the two obvious ideas, yeah?

Before I say anything...

Holy frick', you're a guy!

-clears throat- I'm sorry, -sheepish grin- but I rarely see guys writing in the Romance department (I saw your other story's summary, the one you recently updated, checked out your profile and saw 'Stealing Someone's Girlfriend'- which was partially interesting because it was from a guy's view, not from the girl being ehem- 'stolen'- and clicked on it).

To be honest, your first chapter's really amusing... I liked a lot of it, especially the 'meat' part. L0lz.

Chapter Two is contradicting with Chappie one, and I agree with you. The **'s feelings, the 'she left you for him, so who says she won't leave you for someone else?' and 'Him killing you because she left you for him' parts.

^_^

Hope you do the next installment soon (classes are starting on 11- June and I might not be able to read it).

Signing out,
Silenced

PS. Your blog link isn't working.
PSS. Thought you might want to know.