FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| JEFFREY LOURIE 2008-06-18 ch 1, anon. | abuseThe repetition is clever. L.4- Do you mean "tambours" or "timbres?" L.6- I don't care for the whole line. I think it was "nearly" that was a turn-off for me. L7-10- This is SO good. L.11- The abrupt change of mood is effective. L.19- I would like to see a comma after "written." Or maybe not. L.20. "Poured out your soul" seems better to me. |
| Isca 2008-06-01 ch 1,  | abuseA thought-provoking poem, sprinkled with the theme of love, and perfected by excellent word-choice. |
| S. Kaspar Rollins 2008-06-01 ch 1, | abuseThis one definitely looks to be about love. Your descriptions are quite eloquent and I like that; love poems especially have to avoid being cliche. I identified a lot with this poem, especially the last few lines (if I interpreted it correctly). It seems to be a poem about the struggle to find love and it's expressed quite eloquently. I agree that this poem is frustratingly vague but a lot of great poetry is. Perhaps more detailed context would be required to fully understand this poem, as much as I identify with poems getting away from my original intent (happened to me tonight). |
| Shasta Valentine 2008-06-01 ch 1, | abusemy first interpretation of this is the course of love: the beginning of the ups and the starting of the downs, if this makes sense. i do genuinely like this poem, however, when you added adjectives like "sweet romantic" or "ebony" or "reverberating" it slightly irriated me like the poem had to stop for those words that begged for more research in the poem itself. i do think you suceeded in making this poem good, but i think your should be careful with how much description you put into lines and how it could potentially draw the attention away from your original message. well, there's your thorough review, filled with typos since its one in the morn. -sv |