Good structure and rhyme-scheme. I liked the last two lines the best.

wow.
this was amazing! seriously it has a really really great story to it, it has rhythm and rhyme aswell. and the summary really caught my attention. i love rhyming poems, although sometimes the sentences were a bit long so the rhyme was sort of lost along the way, but that might just be because i read really slowly :P
awesome poem, so going on the favourites :D