I really like the form of this--a haibun (modified). The rhythm is so good in this poem, I don't know what to say further.

I'm definitely in love with the images. "Palm spread butterflies,/plastic Chinese finger-traps"-- that line is absolutely breathtaking. Those images made me loved the poem even more.

I like the topic of this (childhood/innocence) and the way you added nostalgia. It can really relate to anyone who read this.

Overall, I enjoyed this beautiful poem of yours. It's simply stunning.

-C.N.

freebie
sorry this took so long

you, my friend, have a great talent and a masterful way of using it. your description is just amazing and it paints a fantastic picture in the reader's head. the message was strong, and perhaps the simple way it was introduced to the reader helped the message become even stronger.

This is beautifully haunting.

"Palm spread butterflies,
plastic Chinese finger-traps
and my childhood."

Those lines were my favourite.
I loved the imagery and the slow pace that you use to describe everything.

I like the way you structured this, it was very effective and the imagery was really great.

For some reason, I'm really liking, "We are over the edge, too slow to forget . . ." It's just very . . . I can't even think of the right word. The images were very crisp and it made me feel like I was watching a home video from the 70s or something. Very nicely done. Keep writing! :)

Beautiful poem you've written. I found the transition from the long sentences to the short lines to be quite smooth. It worked well. I also like your choice of words. For some reason, that stood out to me =P Probably because it helped emphasize the imagery, which was great. Good read.