Reviews for In a Handbasket: My Misadventures in Hell

Reviews For: In a Handbasket: My Misadventures in Hell - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

Written 2008-11-25 ch 10,	helloo! after a long hiatus, I'm back... and... all caught up on the reading, apparently. wow. first thought: oh jesus! this part is so funny. I absolutely adore it, esp. the ET reference. lucius really is a professional ponce. LUCY on the other hand (my, their names are similar) is much too cool for him... I hope. haha. lucy squared. seems she noticed it as well! this hell sounds a lot like what lybia was like when my parents lived there. they tell me they used to have to wait in long lines for things like mass produced chairs, and wait in other lines for tables, etc. and they all looked the same and there was nothing to buy! oh, they MUST be roommates! it will be so fun. fingers crossed. elmer elizabeth! how unfortunate for him haha. I love how you show these dry scenes of daily life, by the way. very cool. haha... "community showers?" I like the random political bits thrown in, by the way, like the protesters, elmer asking him to volunteer, and alex watching the news. sets a tone! and I'm glad they are roommates yaay. that is all for now! sorry for the short reviews... seems I have nothing to say :)
Jesusfreak43091 2008-11-22 ch 7,	haha, i like the slight humor in this =] by the whole storyline you wouldn't really expect much humor, but its definitly there! i also like the atmosphere you create and how you can so easily tie the reader into the story and make them feel like they're there. i think this also has to do with all the detail you put into this. detail is key. i love the detail in your story! not too much, not too little, but enough to explain wherever we are at =] love the sotry! keep it coming =]
Written 2008-11-22 ch 9,	hey, its been a while! I have to say that the last sentence of this chapter is one of the loveliest things I've read in a while.
karma-dollie 2008-11-17 ch 6,	Whew, another long one. I gotta pace myself. ;) Long, but great. I learned a few more neat words from your wonderful vocabulary and once again I'm so impressed by how you manage to answer just about every question that pops into my head while I'm reading. I was wondering what happens to Jack's body and you covered that. Simply, but cleverly all the same. Just toss in a decoy and let it be buried. But Rufus knows the truth! ;) One thing I'll note is that a lot of people/demons are "guffawing" and I keep imagining a dopey kind of laugh like a bully might do, but I don't think that's what I should be seeing. Maybe a little vocabulary switch up again couldn't hurt. Also, when Jack gets his shot, I'm curious about how that would work (and I'm totally sorry if this is dumb and just seems nitpicky.) When you get a shot, it's supposed to go into your blood and circulate, right? But a vampire's blood can't be circulating if it's heart isn't beating. I'd hate for that to have a brushed aside explanation like, "Well it's some sort of Hell vaccine and it can circulate because it's evil." Heheh. So hopefully you've got some insight on vampire anatomy or you've thought of some because I'm curious and a little confused. :P But again, no fault can draw my attention from how fabulous your story is. I love how Jack doesn't like bugs, but then he's described as "scuttling," which makes me think of him moving like a bug. Also, I love Alex and what a little smartass he is. And with the Blue's musician, I nearly fell over laughing. So funny! Loved the confrontation with Lucius and watching that pompous jerk lose his cool. I'd love to hear that story. I'm also curious about where this story could be heading that leads to more action. I imagine plots just about offices as comedies on TV, which I don't think transfer well to novel, but I'm looking forward to more action and more laughs. Lastly, congratulations on the nomination for the Time Is Running Out Awards! You totally deserve it. :D
groovi-gal-numba1 2008-11-17 ch 2,	LOL! very good humour here! i can tell this is gonna be a good, funny story. the vampires are halarious! jack and mark certainly arn't your everyday characters are they? just be careful not to describe too much. sometimes it felt like a bit of an overload of detail, yeah? overall i loved it. VERY enjoyable! xoxox groovi
xClutteredxChaosx 2008-11-16 ch 2,	Oh my god Mark is so hillariously stupid. I love Lucian, but hate him at the same time ^^ Now. Onto the next review (wow, sorry this one was so short..)
xClutteredxChaosx 2008-11-15 ch 1,	I seriously adore this story. I've just read each chapter, and when it got to chpt 9 I had a fit. Please contine this story! It is amazing. When I have time, I'm going to leave a review on each chapter, so you get more reviews! Yay!
Imalefty 2008-11-11 ch 1,	a review from the review game in celebration of its first birthday! :D I already love this and I only just started. It’s got a great tone – you are definitely good at poking fun at a poor helpless vampire… XD It’s a great introduction – you develop your character quite well and set up the scene. Hahaha love the pigeon. Great description of the two men… I loved the goatee description. :) The interaction between Jonathon and “S” is really entertaining to read… :) And the dialogue is smooth and not awkward at all – good job there. Ahahahaha offering his toe to the devil… you’ve succeeding in making this a humorous piece – almost “dark” humor… XD Very nice beginning. :) I enjoyed that – your writing is easy to read and your humor is fitting to this piece. Great job! -Lefty
AlexSanguine 2008-11-11 ch 1,	Well, well. I'd have to say this is a very original story. A vampire who ends up selling his soul to the devil? Ha! I like it! Jonathan sounds like a character I'd like to get to know...and the fact he has a "boyfriend" named Benjamin makes me like 'em more. Heck, I'm going to keep on reading this now. I want to know what happens next! Oh, that bit with the pigeon? It made me laugh so hard!
B. J. Winters 2008-11-10 ch 7,	Flow: Pick the words you really want to use and don’t overload the reader with detail. Simplify. Example: Ambrosia. Ambrosia?! “I- What is this?” he asked, taking the bottle into his own hands and gazing at it suspiciously./ “Ambrosia! And you and the bartender thought I was mad. {You’ve hit me over the head with Ambrosia. And then the whole exchange about drinking goes on for several sentences – and they don’t drink – did I need that right now? Why not wait until it’s relevant? That whole section from “And it’s alcoholic” to “Probably a good idea” could be cut.} Example: After falling into an armchair against the wall opposite of that with the television on it, Alex snapped his fingers with a loud crack, the TV coming to life instantly. {I don’t need every small detail. Why not say ‘He turned on the TV with a snap of his fingers’} Example: The men on screen continued to shout, delving into policies Jack knew nothing about, but nevertheless he continued to watch, though his eyes became a little more glazed over with each passing minute. Alex remained silent, still glued to the screen and sporting an expression that suggested he wanted to throttle the Bill O’Reilly wannabe, and so the room was silent save for the commotion on the television. {why not just say “the television program continued”. The room can’t be silent if the men on the screen are shouting – and you’ve already said no one is talking so you don’t need to repeat it – you’ve already discussed the content – do I need this detail?} Dialogue: Same theme. Keep it tight and simple Example: Oh Christ, this is great,” he muttered lowly, his smile never fading. “This is brilliant.” His gaze met the demon’s, and he once again rose to his feet. “Thanks. Seriously, this is incredible.” {you made the point with the first quote – but you repeated yourself. As a reader I’m overwhelmed and stuck. Of course he’s going to sit where he can see the TV – of course it’s going to turn on. Keep things moving}. Possible mistake: “I look like a ** tool…” Jack muttered, still staring at his feet with disdain {did you mean fool?} Example: “I have some good old fashioned, non-alcoholic stuff for you to drink. As I said earlier, we’re both in trouble if you show up drunk to work.” {you could cut this – you’ve already mentioned they can’t drink and work…twice…} Random comment: The Fox News – very funny. This section just confused me: The demon who obviously had opinions which conflicted with Alex’s had taken to speaking poorly of another demon whose picture was in the corner, the text below reading, “Hart has too much heart.” It was a fairly horrible play on words, but Jack recognized the name from the sign on the lawn in front of the house. {??} Setting: Again, lots of repetition – you could cut this paragraph since you’ve described the area before: “The trip to the Administrative Offices seemed longer than it did the day before, and Jack took to examining the other people hurrying down the streets in order to keep his mind off his aching feet. Many of them were demons, either charging to or from the offices at a pace which suggested their task was the most important in Hell.“{does it really add anything? It just slows down the pacing} Plot; Not a lot happened. I got to see Alex’s house…got to hear about how stressful work could be…. The clown car elevator was cute/well written – but I’ve been in the elevator earlier in the chapter – seen its shiny doors – felt the up/down - do I need both? I would have liked to see more happen. As always it's well written, but I think you lose some of the punchy/fun with so much extra words forced in between the cute dialogue. That's just my opinion and could be a style issue, but I was disapointed it took me 20 minutes to read/edit when the plot didn't really move forward.
karma-dollie 2008-11-08 ch 5,	Your story is the perfect kind of predictable. Like, I was expecting some wacky version of what Hell would be like and you're totally making it happen. A shape shifting chauffeur demon with a sense of humor? Getting into Hell through a crappy deli? A parking garage? I had a good laugh at the "bouncer" part. Then again, I'm laughing at most parts. ;p (Although you did surprise me cos I thought the demon was the very first girl we read about who went into the music store, not the hot one. Both would be awesome and funny!) Here's where I point out the very very few issues that catch my eye. (Did I use "very" enough? ;D) First thing's first, I believe the word you wanted to use was per se. That's one of those words that I've spelled wrong enough times that I tend to notice immediately. Also, you use sardonic pretty often throughout your story. Perhaps a word change is in order? It's a cool word, but I'm sure there are other words that can substitute for it and still have the same meaning. If not, then I need to take a better look at a dictionary. Heheh. But I think there are. And sandwiching it with some more good stuff, I'm happy for Mark that even if it was just once and just for a moment, he finally got on Jack's good side. Haha! I'm going to miss him when Jack's in Hell. I hope he still gets some face time later on. Him and Rufus. I also love the relationship between Jonathan and Benjamin. It's sad that Jack's given up (yes, I understand Jack and Jonathan are the same person ;p) but what can he do? It's been centuries. I've got my fingers crossed for Jack though. Fun times in Hell await I hope. At least for the reader anyway. Also, ebullient? I'm always picking up a new word from here. :) Great job! Excited for the next chapter!
karma-dollie 2008-11-07 ch 4,	Aw, I could cry. Jack showing some emotions other than hate towards bad music lovers and Mark is good for him and good for his character. Makes him even fuller. Like, I've seen a huge spectrum of emotion from him and he's very real just like your other characters. Mark is a pain in the real and Rufus is hippie with a possible serious side real. Ooh, the commas have returned with a vengeance, not that most of them are grammatically incorrect where they are. I just feel like it stops a really good flow. That happened with one of your phrasings earlier too. In the conversation with Benjamin and Jonathan you said, 'Benjamin interrupted, though...' and then you wrote what he interrupted with. I think it might've felt more like an interruption if the dialogue had done the interrupting. (I want to say it would flow nicer, but the oxymoron is screaming at me, heheh.) But I must point out that some of your lines are classic. I adore them. I understand the swearing is sort of part of who these characters are, like Jack and Mark, and it would seem overly unnecessary if some of what they said wasn't so funny. Even just in narration. One of my favorites: "...I’ve seen some pretty tripped out in my life,” Rufus insisted, pointing to himself with a certain amount of pride, as though importance in life was gauged by how much ‘tripped out **’ one has witnessed. Laughed so hard at that. Anyway, this is getting long so I'll break off here. Awesome job! Looking forward to the next chapter!
karma-dollie 2008-11-07 ch 3,	Oh, too short! I want to read more about Jonathan and Benjamin and their blood preferences. ;p I do question their opinion on Spanish blood, but to each his own. Anyway, we'll say the chapter is short and sweet. Again, I love your descriptions both for physical traits and body movements. You truly have a way with words. It makes the writing so fluid and smooth. There is something I must question though. Your spelling of the "s" word. Hah, as if I'm too immature to type it out. One time you said "**" the other time you said "shite" I don't know if there was meant to be a difference, but it sort of tugged at my mind as a bit of a distraction. Consistency is a beautiful thing. :) Otherwise, another great chapter. I'll hopefully be moving along shortly.
Jesusfreak43091 2008-11-05 ch 6,	hmm...interesting, very interesting. i was kinda thinking like Jack was, thinking there might be torture and fire and all that stuff, so that was a good surprise for me. can't wait to see how his new job goes =] i did notice a few things though, like in this sentence there should be "of" before "the": “Yes, Mr. Bellamy. Lovely to meet you. Please, please, sit down. I’ve got your forms all ready,” he greeted and motioned to one of two chairs sitting in front the grand desk. and in this sentence, did you mean "stated" instead of "started"?: “Um, yeah, I have one question, actually,” Jack started, placing a firm finger next to a line just below one marked SIGNATURE and another marked DATE. keep up the good work =]
Catseye*Rose 2008-11-05 ch 10,	BAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Lucius. He never ceases to amuse me. Poor, poor Lucy... XD But that "Lucy Squared" is brilliant. Heh. :O Well, now! Living with Alex, eh? Knew there'd be a loophole! But, yeah, community showers...ick. Haha, poor Alex XD Bet he wishes he'd stalked someone else, huh? Someone less sneaky and stubborn, perhaps? :P Ouch, Elmer Elizabeth? That's just harsh. He can be known as Glue Queen ^^ Ah, and leave it to Jack to be a jerk about it :P Kinda expected the form to be taken away from him for annoying Elmer :P Oh, werewolf! And the protesters return...I'd kick them. Ah! The wrath of Alex! Seriously, I feel sorry for him. But, hey, there are worse people he could be living with! And I'm sure he'll learn to love him ^^ Or something. :D

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