Wow, this is one intense story!

What is John? An android? But unbeknownst to himself? *brows furrowed in thought*

I do hope the sweet relationship of John and Lance/Creed will survive any (justified) feelings of betrayal from John. I think they're hot together! *pout*

What will Männlich do? It's sweet you wanted to name him Demon, but your computerprogramm plotted against you, making you name him "Male" :D

Please go on with this story. I want to know everything ...
Ok, I'll stop whining now, you just write ok? ;) *pats you on the back*

What I was looking for all along really.
Muscled guys. Yay.

Very nice.

This was just the kind of thing I was looking for this morning. Now when Creed wakes up he can show his displeasure at the kidnappers.

Man, Männlich is so evil. That poor nameless kid. First he has to do this to make money, then some guy cheats him, now he's dead. This makes me kind of wish he gave Männlich an STD.

I don't think Männlich is going to have an easy time convincing John to leave with him.

I can't wait to see where you take this next.

this is an interesting story. I'm looking forward to when you have your next chapter up.

Nice chapter. Creed is so in love. Poor John. I get the feeling that if the "good guys" aren't careful they will cause John to snap and he will turn into the weapon they so fear.

okay this story has got me curious. What in what is going to happen on time, and you, will tell I guess.

Creed, you idiot, what are you waiting for? (Sorry, I just had to say that.)

I liked that dream. It was really vivid. Good job keeping the POV the same in each segment (not that you had a problem before, but I've read several stories in the last few day , including a published book, where we randomly get a paragraph from someone else's perspective and it make me want to pull my hair).

I might have started to actually like Männlich now. But I still want to see him fail.

Just to let you know,"Männlich" means masculine, not "demon". It's not a noun. The word you're looking for is either "Teufel", which is "devil" or "Dämon" which is basically demon.

Something I noticed right away: helping verbs. Would watch instead of watched, was eating instead of ate, kept hitting instead of hit. You established a period of time in the first sentence, so you don't need them in the others.

I have the same problem with 'had' when I'm writing about the past. The first chapter of Dilemma was positively infested with them.

"Other Student Maestros had already picked out -there- pieces" their. I thought if I told you were it was, it would be easier to fix.

"Despite his personal promise of not attempting to bed him intentionally," -- What does this mean? He'll only do it accidentally? I thought he just promised not to force him.

You can't yell, no John, don't go with him he's a bad guy, because John gives us such logical reasons for his choice, so we know he's not an idiot.

The “Lance…what was that?” paragraph has dialog from John then Lance then John then Lance then John then Lance then Lance. Was that on purpose?

I like the love scene despite the fact that hearing a man call his lover babe or baby creeps me out.

I want more.

Thank you for writing your story.

You had me hooked even before you introduced my favorite character: Creed.

Could you put the scene breaks in the next chapter?

Am I honestly the first to review this? How is that possible? This is a damn good story. Keep the good work up.