genius!
L

Hi :)

I've already read all of this story and everything, I just can't figure out the Zeus reference!

A little help? :(

THanks,

millie

Oh my, oh my!

It's done... for a second time! Hehe... like I said before... sorry I haven't reviewed but I've been gone without a steady internet. I'm in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and leaving tonight to go back to Toronto. I'm glad to be leaving, the city left me with mixed feelings.

Anyway... congratulations, lady. You're done... again ;). I'm glad you redid the story, I feel this version is much stronger. And you HAVE taken out quite a bit of the fluff of the last one... like the training session with Aleda dressed in very little. Hehehe... you have to love Ryan's hormonal reaction. I kind of missed that (that = Ryan being a little bit more hormonal) a bit in this version but it's quite alright... the fact that Ryan is 50 but in an 18 - 20 year old's body still got through.

Congratulations dear. I look forward to the sequel... I know I haven't read Echoes in the Twilight. I'm actually waiting for you to be done with it before I read it. I'll still review, it's just that I'm up to my nose in on-going stories and can't take in another one. So yes... let me know once it's done, ok? And have that sequel up soon ;)

Congrats, darling!

This is definitely one of the best stories I have ever read on this site. I got your message about the publishers saying that there are too many vampire books on the market but that's ridiculous because Aleda and the rest aren't vampires. It's a new twist and I don't think you should give up.

Please update very soon because I'm assuming that the next chapter is going to be the Calling and the party when she officially does turn eighteen. This story is so awesome, please publish it after it's up on this site. Good job.

You seriously need to update as soon as possible because this story is really growing on me. I just know she's going to decide to become a hunter after all her training and how much she likes killing the feeders and other demons. Anyway, awesome story...I love it!

Hey, hey!

Eh... so cute. So, maybe the last review in a few days. BUT! Before I go... just one question: perhaps I am remembering wrong but I don't recall Nate being anywhere around that nest-hunt scene, why was Ryan jealous then? Was it that they were talking or something? The day that she was really uposet about Nate being a bit of a jerk?

Ooh! Super huge fight... very nice. I like it better this way than how it was broken up in the original, much better! And I noticed you added in the whole "you were only interested after you found out I was a hunter-born" bit... well done! But honestly... Ryan is such a stupid jerk... did he just yell out "30 damn feeders in the middle of the day" in the middle of the cafeteria? Tsk tsk.

On another note... I'm off to Argentina tomorrow, so if you update tomorrow I'll be able to read it before I leave but then might not be able to read anymore for a while as I won't have much access to an internet connection. If I don't get the chance to while I'm there, I'll read all updates when I get back.

eh!

=D I do love this chapter... it's one of those "FINALLY!" moments.

I just realized one thing... when Ryan goes to talk to Zak... I feel like it's too easy, you know? I don't know... I feel like Zak shouldn't so immediately trust Ryan. I understand that no hunter/ex-organizer would be less than happy to hear about Mike Connor's behaviour. But either Ryan should give more examples to strengthen his case or maybe Zak should hint at a reason for trusting Ryan so easily even though they're clearly not very close (maybe Ryan's reputation during the war? Or his current one for a one-man-nest-clearing machine?).

Just a thought -shrug-

eek eek eek! Sorry I haven't reviewed lately, I'm in exam time and its getting difficult! Today is my last one though... And then no more school until January...! -sigh-

Anyway... these chapters have been great. I have found no mistakes. However, if you want to get more opinions... I heard from someone about this online writers community (Writer's Cafe) which has more mature writers than FP so they give really good reviews. I signed up for it yesterday... it's kind of weird, a lot more interactive than FP but hopefully I actually do get more constructive reviews than those from FP.

If you chose to sign up, look me up... I'm under my full name "Daniela Serodio."

ugh... Aleda is so stupid. How, oh how could she go back to Nate when she would be letting go a motorcycle-riding, leather-jacket wearing, fire-in-eyes, AMAZING chest AND sweet as hell Ryan? Gr... stupid girl. I will restate: she's a slow one. Good thing we know she soon learns better.


On another hand... Ryan made an analogy to scrubbing bubbles? That is something I would NEVER had expected from him... yet Aleda didn't even comment on it. My response would have been to at least an eye brow raise. Meh.

I see here you have Alejandro being all overprotective... I'm very glad you took my advice on that. It would have been very weird and out of character for both of them (Aleda and Alejandro) if they still weren't angry.

You said, "She laughed out loud when she saw the motorcycle parked haphazardly on the grass," but earlier Ryan had said he parked in the sidewalk, in front of the entrance.

Hihi... Ryan is so cute. Nate is so lame. That's the way things should be!

Hey there, I found some lines I wasn't too keen on:
"Probably call it nothing but an excuse to get people to spend money on pointless trinkets. She had the feeling he had as much use for organized holidays as he did for organized religion and organized bureaucracy. Of course, that didn’t seem to stop Papá for making the most of it. He and Mom were going out to some restaurant on Friday—at least that’s what they’d told Aleda—and would be gone for most of the night."

--> at the beginning of the paragraph she is talking about Ryan and then in the later part about her dad. But you had mentioned Alejandro just a few lines before so the "Of course, that didn't seem to stop Papá..." would fit better after that. That's what I think anyway.

On another note... I thought I remembered Ryan getting his hair cut after the Aleda talk between him and his sister. Perhaps it is later on and I just remembered incorrectly?

Yay! Ryan to the rescue... and a nice little fight in a restaurant... wooh!

I'm smiling

Hey there, I'm glad you enjoy my reviews.

I found a sentence that is missing something. You read it and let me know:

"Watching her get better and better at all the moves and tricks that he and his sister could think up to teach her, even while he could see the uncertainty still in her eyes."--> what about watching her?

AND... just for good, girly measure: Ryan likes her! Ryan likes her! Ryan likes her! -does a little butt wiggle-