|Reviews for His Baby|
| Esquirella 7/2/09 . chapter 5
Why did you stop writing this?
| llyzsm2 4/25/09 . chapter 5
Argh, update! lol *puppy eyes*
| queen pixie 4/7/09 . chapter 5
I love this story!plz update..this is the only good mpreg story that gets updated!
| ChaoticFenris 3/28/09 . chapter 5
please update soon )
| Sekre 3/21/09 . chapter 5
| BCSaturdai 3/7/09 . chapter 5
I didn't realise that this story was still going on! Yay!
Great story, btw.
| sydchan 2/25/09 . chapter 5
I figured I should probably review this and stop being lazy. Plus, your last two reviews for this made me sad since they seem so angry.
Donna kind of freaks me out. They are suppose to be criminals though, so I suppose it would seem weird if they were all super nice and friendly. And I just remebered that Donna is from that other mafia and it seems like so is Erin. That would make them related, right? Doesn't that mean Erin and Laiden are related too? Maybe it's distant enough that it doesn't matter or maybe I'm just confused and they aren't actually related.
Anyway, interesting chapter. It be nice if you'd update soon since I'm curious as to what will happen next. I'd threaten you with whips and chains, but sadly I don't have any or the money to buy them.
| Rachizzle 2/24/09 . chapter 5
"Claimer: This story and all the characters are MINE . Do not attempt to steal because there is an Alien- Mexican or interstellar visitors? who knows! - space craft ready to abduct you at my command."
Why would anyone WANT to steal the story or the characters? No offense and all, but this story sucks just slightly. Before you update next time, you might want to check for spelling errors and learn the difference between "your" and "you're" I mean, it's pretty simple... just press that little button that usually says "ABC"...
| Ominously anonymous 2/24/09 . chapter 1
Why would a complete stranger take the time to write a note like that...? I don't get it. A lot of people have one night stands and don't take the time to say "it's better this way" and whatever. They just fuck and go their separate ways. It's realistic. Much more realistic than that note.
Also...why are you changing between 3rd and 1st person? Why not just stick to third and then go back and forth that way? The way it is now just is...weird. And not the good weird. Not to mention that that second part pretty much reiterates what was in the note and Erin's part. Yes, he's tired and sore. Yes, the room's paid for till tomorrow. We already know.
And why is the first section in past tense, the second in past, and the third part in present? As well as sticking with one POV, staying in the same TIME would be cool too.
Another thing... A lot of your sentences start with "I" or "he." Try switching up your sentence structure.
...And in the second chapter... "Your pregnant."
His pregnant what? His pregnant hamster? His pregnant dog? I think what you meant to say was "You're pregnant." If that's the case, it makes a lot more sense. Especially for such an important moment...
"How in the hell was I going to tell Laiden?" Why would he have to tell him anything...?
I was actually kind of excited to see some mpreg that had been updated recently. This disappointed me and I have to stop reading lest I...cry. Good luck with it though. Seriously consider fixing those tense issues, yeah?
| Lovecupid 2/20/09 . chapter 5
This is an interesting story. I can't wait to read more.
| Midnights Scream 2/13/09 . chapter 5
Interesting! I wonder how that meeting is going to go.
| Tora 22 2/9/09 . chapter 5
I absolutely love this story.
Please update soon. :)
| Indalecio 2/9/09 . chapter 5
OMG YAY an update *gives cookies*
| Sit In Solemn Silence 1/3/09 . chapter 4
Woah! What? The plot thickens! See you next chapter!
| Sit In Solemn Silence 1/3/09 . chapter 3
I lovelovelove the line about the peephole! LoveLuvLove! I also love mafia stories, and slash, and Erin. Basically I think your story is amazing :)