Very colorful poem. You accomplished something very difficult, having a very long beat and pace, and you still rhymed and kept the tone with ease. Although I don't use many curse words in my poetry, I think your usage of them was most likely appropriate for the idea. You used the word "I" a lot, but after reading your poem several times, I don't think you could get around that anyway. Very comical poem, yet angsty. I liked it.