John, I am very impressed by your attention to sensory detail in each of these chapters; however, some underdeveloped plot points tend to confuse the reader. Fully describing the setting might help the reader better understand what is happening in the story. You are great writer; you just need to expand the context details. I remember having a discussion about your own "super powers". Like Tamago, you have your own form of "chi"; use it to improve your writing.

-Cat

Totally confused. Good descriptions and some pretty funny stuff, though.

Less confusing, more creepy. Nicely done.

Is it supposed to be confusing? If so, then it's great. If not, the writing's great, story's confusing. ^.^

Good add to the story, though the whole name thing is a bit confusing. Maybe stick with Mayakashi, since you established him as that in the first chapter? Otherwise, pretty good stuffs.

Nicely done. Kind of a random ending, though. You gonna continue it any?