Aw. You left us with cliffhangers! D: no fair! And I think you should keep both stories. :D both of them are good and barely resemble the other. XD

Interesting development. I would have like to have had a better picture of Vivian. You described her hair but I'd like to be able to picture more.

I don't exactly think you needed more than one paragraph describing how attractive John was to Vivian but then again I wouldn't be much help in writing romance. I still like the world you've developed however. You characters are still endearing too.

Still wanting to read more.

I clicked on this, not sure of what I would get. I'm glad I did.

John pulls off the "dangerous renegade," persona pretty well and I think he has potential to become a great character. Looking forward to seeing more from him. Before I forget, the scene in the dome between the judges and John was played out very well too.

The plot, for the moment, seems thin but that will change in later chapters I'm assuming. This is just the prelude after all.

I am also anxious to learn about the world this takes place in. Geography, culture, lands, etc. No doubt that will also come.

Congratulations, you have me hooked.

Ooh, a new version? I'll have to check that out. As for these few lil paragraphs, they're nice. :) very descriptive, but not overly. I like how Vivian's all relieved that it was just the wind, but wait! FOOTPRINTS! You delivered that well. Better than I would've, which might've sounded something like this review. o_O

Well, I'ma head over to Hunted and have a look.

The only problem I have with this little piece is the dropping of the knife. If you think about, dropping a knife isn't the best thing to do, it could bounce and cut open your foot, etc. There is no logical reason here for her to drop it, besides effect. She may drop it after she sees the prints because her body goes lax from the surprise, etc. But otherwise I don't see a reasonable explanation for dropping it on the floor, she'd just have to pick it back up again when she turned to get back in bed. If you need for her to lose the dagger for some reason, there are other ways to do it. She could think she heard a noise and in a frightened panic, she throws it, only to realize it was nothing (or a mouse, the wind, etc). If the mud is in her room, she could put the knife away and then see it. Or should could just tuck it away in her trousers or something and forget about it, or it somehow gets tangled.
As for your question, I don't see a problem continuing both of them. I know how it is writing something and wishing it had come out a bit differently and wanting to start all over again with the fresh ideas and using that bit more experience and knowledge now under your belt. If this story still interests you, then keep writing. If nothing else, it's good practice.

Okay, so I guess I'm not the only doing long A/Ns lol! :D Anyway, although the actual chapter is super short, but still I guess it did quite a bit in the plot continuity. Also will you be updating this with the same frequency as your rewrite? I truly hope so since like what I've said before, I actually prefer this version. ;)

Hey, Nicola. I like RavenHale, so I thought I'd check out another of your stories.

I really like your description! It's detailed, yet not overly done. And the way the story kind of gives a "darkish" feeling when reading it. I like reading stories set in Medieval(ish) times; it's very interesting and intriguing.

Might I just add that I really liked a section of Chapter Two: from "A man stepped boldly..." to the end of the chapter. :)

One thing, though. I don't know whether it's just me, or not, but I feel that somewhere between Chapters Two and Three, it seemed to go a bit fast. (I forget where it was, but I think it was near the start of this chapter.) Like, maybe you could have slowed it down and given a bit more description on how things went down after the peasants were allowed into the castle, and such.

Anyways, interested to see where this story goes. I wonder if we'll see werewolves? :P

You have an original plot and deep characters, each with a different personality so that they do stay separate instead of blending into one persona. Also, the speech and names all feel consitent with the era, even though the era in not verbally established, the reader still has a good sense of it. I definitely encourage to continue it.

So, your story is by far the shortest of all the other nominees. I'm taking that into consideration, but I feel that it would have a better chance once it's a bit longer, though it is still a strong contender as it is.

Good Luck!! And I hope to see you next round.
~Kandice

This chapter was a little bit rougher to read than the last chapter(which, if I may say so, was colorfully detailed). There are some small errors in the first half (most notable "breath" instead of "breathe"). But where I had the most trouble was in the dialoque. At one point, it seemed almost as if John and Vivian were having two conversations at once; they would comment on the main point then immediately after comment on the second point.

Long time no see, eh? So, guess what? I have great news! This story has been nominated for Judge's Pick! And I'm your lovely judge.

Anyway, I know I was a bit harsh last time I reviewed and wasn't very constructive. Hopefully, i'll be a little more helpful this time around.

This chapter was anything but a "filler". In fact, I think it shed a lot of light on the plot and background, while letting us see a little more of Vivian.

I love this. Your characters are very well thought out, three dimensional folk. And I dunno about everyone, but personally I like that kind of believability. The dialogue is pretty nice too. Vivian's outburst at John was so emotionally vivid I could totally feel what she felt. Awesome work. Update soon, k? I need to know what happens next.

I'm a little confused. You have them in the hallway and something is there with them. You have John say “On my move” (which to my implies, when I go, run). Then...nothing? He just looks down the hall and they banter like nothing? If something might have been there, even if it might be gone now, I would think they would still be weary. John should know better than to just dismiss it as gone, when it could jump out at any time. And Vivian was a bit terrified, so even when she speaks, it might be in a whisper and then John might hush her. I'm sure they would both want to leave that hallway as soon as possible, not stand there and chat.

From what I've read and what has happened so far, Vivian doesn't seem like she would sit there choking out an apology for trying to save her brother. She might be inwardly sorry for the kid, like you showed. She seems like she would defend herself more, that she was her brother and she did what she felt she had to do, etc. But that's all up to you of course.

I do like the mystery behind the talisman. You know something is there, but nothing is disclosed just yet. And by what you implied, it seems that John sees a bit more in the books than Vivian.

Well, never expect you to update again so fast albeit for a different story. :) Anyway, I guess I'm starting to see some chemistry between John and Vivian here.

But I think the conversation between them only highlighted this part. The part on Armand for the exchange seems rather bland to me since not much of emotional details are there. I truly think you can actually make this much better by exploring more into Armand's character through Vivian's POV like through some vital flashback or what not. I'm not too sure about how you're planning Armand's exposure, but he should be an important character and as such, I think you can actually do quite a bit in doing more details and aspects where he's concerned.

In fact if you want to do things from his POV, don't try to be afraid on what might happened adversely. If you've got a good idea on how to manage the priorities of your characters in this story, I truly believe there won't be any problems on that. Either that or you're trying to do the story entirely from the two main characters' POV, in which I'll have to admit it can be harder to do a character exploration for a vital third party character.

Well, sorry if I sound blunt here. Don't mean to be nasty, but my brain failed me big time in a certain sense at this moment. :( Anyway, glad to review this you again. And yeah, hope to see more of your revies for Circles of Arven soon. :)

Yeah, I'm late. Sue me.

Scene descriptions...wow. At this rate, I'm so deep in the Eastern European Dark Age minsdet that I'm onestle expecting some brutal form of torture to happen before the chapter finishes.

Don't disappoint me now...

Okay...the werewolf's out of the bag. I thought John would be less surprised though. Was he aware of the relationship between Vivian and Armand?

John's making a promise. I gather he's going to play ball with Vivin for a while until someone blabs and the organization's going to send someone out to "correct" this heresy? Am I right?

Some villager got cacked last night, didn't they? You owe me torture!

But I'll settle for mere murder,
8.Black

Another good chapter. I wonder what it was she was going to tell him. Was it something we don't know yet? (Just thinking aloud. Don't ruin it for me if it's a surprise!) There were one or two places where the dialogue seemed a little unnatural. One being where she tells him that he can't go out without a shirt. It's not that part, but the rest of it, where she says the villagers will be suspicious and not let him near, etc. While they might be suspicious, it would be the guards that might question him. More importantly though, she might be worried about him getting sick since it's so cold out or something along those lines. I'll be waiting for updates!