Reviews for I Know Who Killed Me

Reviews For: I Know Who Killed Me

Lady Glass 2008-08-17 ch 1,	abuseFirst of all, you do know that there is a movie called "I Know Who Killed Me" about a girl who has lost her memory, right? :P Now, this is an interesting start, but I think it does need a little work. To start off, when you're describing characters, I don't think it's necessary to list what they look like. Be creative. Weave character descriptions into the story, don't just give us a blunt description in the first paragraph. You also switch from present-tense to past-tense in the first sentence of the second paragraph. It should be "Her dad carried..." Overall, this is a fair start to what could be a genuinely exciting story, it just needs a bit more attention, in my opinion. :) My final little...thing, is the name Desiraye. This is honestly just a little pet peeve of mine, but Desiraye is an incredibly unusual name. Why not just spell it Desiree? But that's just me. :) Good luck with your writing. :) Lady Glass
dragonflydreamer 2008-08-15 ch 1,	abuseWell, you never gave this one to me to beta, so now it's going it's going to get a nice dose of beta-ing. MWAHAHA! walked home from town. They walked along - Walked is used twice too close together. Try to change one. I wouldn't suggest describing you're characters physically in the first paragraph. It's not very catchy and . . . heck, it's just plain boring :p Her dad carries a paper bag - tense switch; carried, not carries around in her summer-y - "summery-y" really breaks the mood of the writing. I'd suggest a different word, but my mind's drawing a blank. “GO!!” he shouted. - Snow, what have I told you about caps and double exclaimation points? Kill them. Dead. Replace them with italics and use the dialogue tag to show the emotion. the man was right on topic. - did you mean target? You're off to an interesting start. You established a little bit about her character, and you starting with some action to pull the reader in. Also, I get the sense that the story's going to be very different from this prologue, so the contrast should work well. I like the part where her father pulled out a gun. Dez's shock in that situation clearly showed that she knew nothing about her paren't secret, and in a subtle way. Again, I'd suggest working on the sentence variation. A lot of simple sentences here. Also, as another reviewer said, this was a bit rushed. but like I said, it was a solid start. I'd like to see where this goes. ~Draggy from The Roadhouse (link in profile)
Innocence of Chaos 2008-07-27 ch 1,	abusePOST SOMETHING!! Half of your stories have like one chapter!
mjank 2008-07-10 ch 1,	abuseNot a bad start. I like all of the detail you provided in the beginning with the character descriptions, that makes the entire work sound better. I think that you might have rushed things a little too much. I know you want to make the event of her parent's death to be sudden, but I think you could stretch that part out with a little more detail. I also like the fact the parent's were carrying guns, much to Dez's surprise. i think you could make some wild story out of this maybe about secret agents, or underground government jobs or something. Looking forward to reading more

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