hello era! a review from the review game in celebration of its first birthday! :D

Interesting first line – I like how it hints to the ending, but it doesn’t reveal too much.

“The thing is that you don’t usually do things to prevent what you don’t see coming” – in this paragraph, there are a lot of “agreement” issues… mostly with “someone” and “they.” For example: “if a person knew they would be…” – it should be “if a person knew he [or she, if you want to use a female pronoun] would be…” that applies for all of the other sentences in that paragraph, too.

But it was an interesting idea… I wonder how it applies to the story.

Hmm… I’m kind of confused. Perhaps I’m supposed to be, but I’m not sure if she’s an “angel” in the sense of a real angel or not. Is she just a girl? Or is she a girl who eventually becomes an angel? Or has she always been an angel?
I feel there is a little too much storytelling in this story… your main character is telling us about her background instead of letting us experience it with her. I’m not sure where you’re going with this, so maybe I’m misinterpreting it, but so far, it’s just been the main character describing what’s happened to her.

Weird, now I really don’t know where you’re going with this story! XD So now she’s going to a reality TV show…? This could be interesting. ^^

“Raven Manor, it was called – both the show and the house” – I think this should be worked into the previous paragraph – it seems a bit out of place here.

I like your italicized lines – they’re interesting and will (hopefully) relate back to the story in some way.
Another Jakob! And he spells it that way, too? O_o Unusual. I’m assuming he’s going to be one of the main characters…? ^^

Yeah… it’s kind of a bad way to end a chapter. ^^;; You broke it off right in the middle of a scene! I understand how you might have needed to stop writing at that time in the morning, but… perhaps wait until you finish the chapter before ending it…? XD But otherwise, it’s an interesting start. I would suggest a few more descriptions of your main character… you do a pretty good job describing the others.

Anyway, good job! Keep writing!

-Lefty

It's great. You're a very developed writer. The cliffhanger is a perfect ending. I adore stories that end and leave you to think about what could have or did happen. I surprisingly don't have criticism for you and that is saying something because I'm a hardass.

Ok. So I'm gonna start off with some line crits and then wrap up at the end.

when we started out explorations." started [our] explorations

that held it in." that held it (in)

He shook his head nearly imperceptibly." He shook his head (nearly imperceptibly). This part is just excess. Doesn't add. I would get rid of it.

She died when I was in the hospital that night." You might want to clariy that it was the mother. After the long exposition about Jakob I forgot all about the mother

With the bus, we got- or I suppose I should say I got- more death." I did not care for this line. I would find a verb other than "got".

meant to let us all introduce ourselves, in layman’s terms." Ditch the "layman's terms." It doesn't makes sense. You weren't previously explaining anything exotic, or complicated that would need dumbing down.

ACK! I got to the end and was bummed. I feel ripped off. LOL

Overall, pretty good. It meanders a bit at times. Going between memories of loss to the television show. Sometimes a bit hard to follow. The writing is decent. Needs a little work in places, but definitely on the right track.

The characterization is very, very good. With the language and tone of the story the character really shows through. I can see Katherine and connect with her.

The call back to her introduction to Jakob was a nice touch. Although i would get rid of the line right after where it says "Back in the present." And just start with "I was shaking." The italics tell us that it's a flashback.

So keep it up. FINISH IT! :P And then let us know so that we can come back and give more feedback.
Best,
Josh

I love that song from Silent Hill. I haven't heard it in forever! It really does set the mood for this piece. I feel really bad for Katherine..so many people in her life died. ;_; and the other Jakob makes me sorta suspicious...Hope to read more!

*SQUEE*
I LOVE IT!
Seriously, I love the whole feel of the story!
I'd love to read more.

~Piewithpancakes