this was beautiful. i loved the rhyme scheme and everything flowed very nicely. nice work.

I like this.

Good rhyming, not forced - but there are a few rhythmical problems with the metre of the lines. It's a little bit hard to read because some lines are much shorter than others. I enjoyed this though. Keep writing!

He's sure got a lotta gall
To be so useless and all
Muttering small talk at the wall
While I'm in the hall

I like how it reads pleasantly with the rhyme scheme, although the scheme is broken in the sixth stanza since "kingdom" and "mistake" don't rhyme. The stanza about kissing with ready lips was may favorite because of the imagery you used, ending it with standing in the rain with a little scribbled note. Overall, great work on this =]

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I'm so proud of you! See, there is hope for your writing yet. =)

The first stanza reminds me of one of Muse's songs you put on that CD. I think it was "Thoughts of a Dying Atheist". I just never realized it until I read it again.

The fifth and sixth stanzas reminds me of "But Tonight we Dance" by Rise Against, which, in my opinion, a hauntingly beautiful song. It's great how you captured so much mystery into the first stanza and added a touch of saddness in the second. But it also, for some silly reason, reminds me of the Spongebob episode "Secret Box". I have a feeling I'm waivering between deep thoughts and passing ridiculousness, haha, so forgive me.

The "You kiss me with ready lips" stanza is so sad. But it's more than sad and it's more than tragic. I can't think of the word, but I feel a lot of emotion behind it.

I love the next stanza because it alludes to something deeper, something with a deeper, darker, history. It's like the speaker and their significant other have been through so much... almost like a war, and the other person, at one time, knew the person the speaker called brother. This also reminds me of a song, "Fiddle and Drums" by A Perfect Circle. Beautiful harmony in that one.

The last stanza ties it all together perfectly. The tone of the poem, to this point, has been so dramatic and heartbreaking but in the last stanza, the speaker seems to be okay with everything that's happening and accepts it and accepts who he is.

Like I said, beautiful. =)

Wow. That's beautiful.

that seems a magical love, anyway my favorite part is the verse 1, the whole poem has a cool imagery.