i must say

i was slightly disturbed by this

but it's really well written

and your point is very clear

thanks for the review

and good job.

i think that this was a great poem! i really do. it really sends out a great message. Just one thing. The bolding of the word soul, didn't really go with the poem. Maybe that's where the flow problem lies (not that there is much of a problem)?

"welting hide"? How do you tan a welting hide? You lose me here.

I get the overall idea, but lose perspective. Who is talking? Sarah? The disinterested observer? A commentator on the Viagra meets smooth unwrinkled skin society we live in?

If a disinterested observer is talking, I don't want to meet the disinterested observer unless he is offering very black commentary. Sarah still has beauty, and I don't care how old she is or how ugly she is. To miss that beauty makes me question the observer's humanity, unless, as I said, he is offering very black (cynical) commentary.

Those are my reactions to what you have written here. The purpose of poetry is to evoke emotions, and the poem worked that way.

Suggestion: clean up the welting hide line.

I liked the lesson you use within your story.

I think the powerful part is the verse 2, it's true, people can try to keep their beauty, but sooner o later everything fades..