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Reviews For: Sarah: Fortytwo and Dead

fatbird33
2008-07-09
ch 1,
abusei think that this was a great poem! i really do. it really sends out a great message. Just one thing. The bolding of the word soul, didn't really go with the poem. Maybe that's where the flow problem lies (not that there is much of a problem)?
oememo
2008-06-17
ch 1,
abuse"welting hide"? How do you tan a welting hide? You lose me here.

I get the overall idea, but lose perspective. Who is talking? Sarah? The disinterested observer? A commentator on the Viagra meets smooth unwrinkled skin society we live in?

If a disinterested observer is talking, I don't want to meet the disinterested observer unless he is offering very black commentary. Sarah still has beauty, and I don't care how old she is or how ugly she is. To miss that beauty makes me question the observer's humanity, unless, as I said, he is offering very black (cynical) commentary.

Those are my reactions to what you have written here. The purpose of poetry is to evoke emotions, and the poem worked that way.

Suggestion: clean up the welting hide line.
East-0f-Eden
2008-06-15
ch 1,
abuseI liked the lesson you use within your story.
kloun doll
2008-06-15
ch 1,
abuseI think the powerful part is the verse 2, it's true, people can try to keep their beauty, but sooner o later everything fades..
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