More please!

Two things I'd like to comment on.

First, I never, ever want to read in a story, "It was then that she realized she loved him." I want you to show me through character interaction, because if I want to be told that someone's in love, I'll ask a friend. If I want you to draw me in with it and feel with the characters, you need to trust me as a reader and try to just show it with technique - scene, dialogue, and actions.

Second, you don't really earn the suspense in this chapter because of one thing, at least: the demon that tries to choke and then bite Ellya. I've learned in martial arts that if someone puts you into a choke, you have about 5 seconds before you pass out. Worse can happen if they do anything to your airway, like attack your windpipe, which is really easily crushed or pressured. That's for HUMANS vs. HUMANS. Your scene features DEMONS. The way you describe the scene makes me believe that Ellya is being choked and then snapped at by the demon in a matter longer than 5 seconds. Longer than 2 seconds. Have you seen Jurassic Park? Have you seen the way those velociraptors tear into things? Their name means "swift-seizer". If you're going to give Ellya the fear that her soul could be lost to this thing when it eats her, you're creating a pretty powerful demon. If you also want that demon to be subhumanly slow at killing and soul-sucking, then you need to have the best reason in the world and it needs to come before the suspense, to build it up realistically, not after.

I hope this helps you and encourages rather than discourages you.

wow the details in this one were amazing really and now that I know that her mother is the Dark Goddess I feel very accomplished about figuring it out :D lol Thanks!

hey I liked this chapter and I think the little demons are silly to be frightened of her but well maybe not hopefully my questions about who she really is will be answered next chapter. Thanks!

OMG I can't believe he didn't marry that goody two shoes, sorry I didn't really like her, but anyway now she has 2 guys I wonder who she will go with or if Vanden will even except her now hm...well Thanks!

o I really liked this one definitely awesome and I think I know who Ellyas' mother is but I will hold my thoughts to myself. and I really hope Luthien is her knight however dark he himself might be I feel he feels someat about Ellya. well until next time Thanks!

I liked this chapter and the revelations are very momentous to the growth of her character. you are doing very well and I am very glad to have read this much of your story. now I am off to read the rest see you next chapter. Thanks!

ah the jerk knocked her out! lol I get so worked up about stories but this one is really good. sorry this one isn't long I want to read the next chapter toodles and thanks!

Oh dear that kinda sucks you know the whole village being destroyed but I wonder where he will take her or if she will continue her training and fight back hm...much to ponder. well I'm off to another chapter Thanks again!

ah another wonderful chapter read wow this one was certainly exciting sadly the demon knight seemed dashing and more into Ellya than Vanden but *sigh* what can you do. ok I am off to read more Thanks again!

Wow that was really sad but momentous I just hope that Ellya doesn't kill her light side and that they meet again and next time have his heart well thanks again and keep up the good work.

this chapter was much happier thank you but still a bit sad at the end and I can't help but think that I would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes *sigh* but you are definitely a great author so thank you for sharing your stories with a lowly girl who can't write stories to save her life.

ah I just finished chapter 2 and it was good but I don't understand! it was going so well why is he mad?? I know I know I have to read the story to find out but jeez that was a very sad thing right there him leaving and all well Thanks and keep up the good work.

Wow this first chapter is great I mean your writing style is gorgeous and just pulls the reader in. Thanks so much for the wonderful work and keep up the good job.

hey you have a great story going on here! i like the build-up so far and how you constructed this fantasy world. can't wait for the next update :D