that was cute. but wat's olive juice?

Hey! I liked the story. it was really cute. I just think that if it was edited it would be a lot better. Maybe you should look for a beta reader?

Love,
Becca

PS If you do decided to get one, I'm willing.

okay, look, i think that this has a lot of potential for a good story but i have two major problems: there's next to no grammar and you don't proof-read.
if a story doesn't have grammar in it then it's very hard for people to read it, whether it's a good story or not. and it's also annoying when you have spelling mistakes/letters missing because each one is like a tiny little siren going off in your head that distracts you.
what i suggest you do with the next chapter is read it through at least two times when you've finished it. that way, it's less likely that you'll have many spelling mistakes or missing grammar.
i hope the next chapter goes well.

Aw so so cute. I loved it.
JM