Reviews for Her fate - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Her fate

Thisisnotcool 2008-06-28 ch 1,	For a small beginning it is quite incredible. I like the introducing paragraph because it tells us how the story will be and really like the fact that is sounds as if the narrator is talking to us. A unique style that most authors shy away from because its hard to do (from what I've learned). I didn't like how short it was, even its just a prologue. It leaves the reader wanting much more but doesn't necessarily drag them in long enough so that they will be sure to come back. Well, I look forwards to more, hope you get the next chapter up soon.
Asherah Seirei 2008-06-26 ch 1,	Very powerful prologue. I like how you reveal the ending in the beginning--which gives the reader a sense of dread about it all--and then go on to describe it to make us care about the person who was killed. I'm not one for prologues, but this one sort of reminded me of a voice-over at the beginning of a movie, or somesuch. Haha, I just like it. Plus, it was short and to the point. I think I'm rambling. I think Chocolate could be an interesting character. Certainly, I love her name. =) The last line was powerful as well. It really laces the entire piece and the piece that is to come with grimness and a sense of finality.
dragonflydreamer 2008-06-24 ch 1,	Review Game! This is a strong beginning. It leaves me with a lot of questions that make me want to know what will happen next. Who is this mysterious narrator? What is it that he/she has to do to this girl? What is this girl like? You conveyed a lot in few words, and captured the reader while doing so. To be honest, the way you're describing the main character reminds me of food. Her name is Chocolat, and you described her life as "cherry and sweet." Was this intentional? If not, try to find another description for her life. This is off to a very nice start. I'd like to see where you go with this.
alittlebitconfused 2008-06-23 ch 1,	Review Game! Hm... Interesting. Nice foreshadowing, it got me thinking. I like the fact that the narrator is thinking too, I don't quite know why, but it just... I liked it. Something I'll follow, for sure. Mm, can't find anything I don't like about it! It flows really well, and it swept me in quickly. Amazing start! ~Me
groovi-gal-numba1 2008-06-22 ch 1,	wow thats quite an opening. i didn't really understand it. for a second i thought it was like an authors note. but then i thought it was a metaphor and now i don't know what to think! and i like that! Your delicate use of mystery urged me to read on! good work!
Trmpetplaya1 2008-06-22 ch 1,	Interesting start! One thing I was a little lost on was whether the speaker was the author or a character. The second paragraph cleared that up, but I was confused in the beginning. A good point of this chapter is that for a prologue, you definitely have me intrigued. I want to find out what happens, and how the speaker got so dark and why they have to do what they do. Kudos on that :) Slightly over dramatic, but that's just a personal preference (and your subcategory is obviously "drama") so feel free to ignore that comment ;) Good luck with your story!

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