 eine.hexe 2008-09-28 . chapter 1This is so very great! I haven't read something with a plot so well-thought in a while. Your writing style is smooth and very pleasant.
I just think the final line was a bit sharp there. I mean, I usually like sudden twists, but this is a bit... I don't know, it seems slightly wrong there. But I really like the "chorus": "They say that ghosts don’t exist. Take my word for it they do…"
I loved that you used it more to emphasize the importance of this line.
All in all, it's wonderful. Well done. Thank you for sharing :) |
 L F Calland 2008-06-22 . chapter 1The story is great. It grabbed me and kept me until the end. I must say I'm not a big fan of short stories, but I sure liked yours.
If you don't mind, though, I just have one opinion that you might consider. I think it's too short. Not too short from the beginning to the end, but from the year book moment to the revelation. The twist doesn't unfold; it is trown on the reader's face. I mean... you kept pacing your paragraphs after that, but the twist was already on the table, and there was no need to know anything else. When you present your mistery, it's already solven to the reader; no more thinking about it. I don't know if that was the effect you were looking for, and if that was the case, just pretend I didn't write this paragraph.
Despite that, I really liked the story. I'm a psychologist myself, and I must say that I will need a few sessions to stop imagining an annoying ghost in my office. That's how much it touched me.
Congratulations; it's a wounderful story. |