Reviews for Ryan's Story: The Jewel

The Bell Of Seven Hells
2008-06-30
ch 1,

abuseGood writing, you blend the supernatural seamlessly in with the everyday.

L F Calland
2008-06-23
ch 1,

abuseCongratulations. It's a great story, and most of the time, it reads like professional material. Very good, indeed.

However, if you don't mind, I would like to point somethings that I think didn't help the story.

I think sometimes Ryan thinks too much, and speaks and acts too less (or at least, little is spoken and done around him). Some of the descriptions and inner feelings could be translated in action and dialogue. Your dialogues are good, and I believe you should take advantage of it. The reading would be more easy-going.

I also think that this last part seemed a little hasty. It was a little hard for me to visualize and empathize with what was happening. The sensation was that I read the word "horseshoe" and the next thing was "the dog".

Well... those are just my opinions. I believe the story is very good and very catchy. I hope you keep writing it, because I want to know the rest. Congratulations for the great story.

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