Reviews for There - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: There

Drifter of the Forgotten On... 2008-10-16 ch 1,	Review game Pretty cool story. What you need to watch on is grammar, I only noticed it once though. I did like your writing style though, you made an awesome image in my head though.
Siren-esque 2008-07-19 ch 1,	This was lovely. Great scene; I could really envision the moment. One thing though- I am not so sure of the line "They were full of the smile". I know what you are trying to say, but it doesn't seem quite right. Great job
Ramenluver 2008-07-13 ch 1,	The good thing about this piece is that it centers on their emotion well, but I would have appreciated a little bit more of a background of the characters. I just think it would have made me sympathize with them more if I knew them a little better. -Ramen
Asherah Seirei 2008-07-13 ch 1,	I have to say, I really like the writing here. It flows. There was also a strong sense of character, not physically but emotionally. I imagined the setting myself since there wasn't a great deal of detail on that, and I don't think there needed to be. I think some things could have been elaborated on just a touch. A bit more background added, the like, to make us connect with the characters even more. But overall, I love it.
B. J. Winters 2008-07-13 ch 1,	Freebee courtesy of Frac. I picked your latest...interesting picture that you paint. It has a certain appeal because the details are vague. We don't know precisely where they are, or what caused the reaction (other than a sale) and it has charm because of it. With more detail it would have felt less quaint and more like a diary entry. Here - with use of pronouns and random details (that aren't so random) it's unique. Kindness - hum - for some reason I wasn't entirely convinced that was the correct word. It worked for the opening - but empathy somehow felt more like what you were trying to convey as you went on - that we were human. He wasn't "cruel" before, just aloof - so hum...I'm chewing on other synonymns and trying to think of another that wouldn't ruin the piece...hum...sorry, wish I could be more specific. Overall though I enjoyed this - almost wishing it was longer. You captured the moment nicely.
concerto49 2008-07-06 ch 1,	You managed to capture the emotions, but not some much the setting. Like, it made me wonder what the money was for and where the characters were. It sorts of explains it at the end, but a bit late I thought. There's quite an atmosphere to it though, which was good. Not much to say otherwise...guess we all have things that appear out of nowhere...suprisingly enough.
Georgianna 2008-07-01 ch 1,	Powerful stuffs.
Stargirl Lilac 2008-06-26 ch 1,	Review Game: Good Part: Wow, I like this story a lot. Specifically I like how simple your writing is, short and to the point, which makes it easy to understand. Nice job on that. Could Be Improved: I felt there wasn't really any background story to it. I know it was a one-shot which is kind of meant to be like this, but even as a one-shot it doesn't feel complete. This might just be my opinion but I sort of felt that this was like a crossover between a poem and a story, seeming sort of incomplete in both directions. I suggest adding something to the beginning, not necessarily names but maybe a description on how you got in that situation. Sorry if I sounded harsh, overall I really like this piece.
dragonflydreamer 2008-06-23 ch 1,	Aw, this is a very sweet story. It's really these little things in life that turn into the best stories, huh? Not only was the idea behind it interesting, but you expressed it very well. I like the simplicity of your descriptions. It reminds me of bursts of thought, so it really helped me get into the moment. Maybe you could have added a bit more of the narrator's opinion of the boy before this incident? I think that would help show the sudden change of opinion. Other than that, I honestly can't find any other flaws in this. It was a very nice story. I hope this happens to you again, too ^-^
technicoloureyes 2008-06-23 ch 1,	This is really sweet :] Well done.
sadist cupcake 2008-06-22 ch 1,	That was a really beautiful and moving story. Not only are you a great storyteller, but you told a really good story that can speak to everyone! I can't express how much this touched my heart. Amazing story :]
DeceptionX3 2008-06-22 ch 1,	You simply blow me away. I can't stop smiling. I bow down to your greatness! (Just so people don't freak out at that I'd liek to mention that you are my best friend and I love you, you great writer you)

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