I like it that even if you're talking about spring it seems so dark and painful. Go imagery. :D And no, I won't tell you to fix the rhythm. I think it's fine.

Anyway, keep writing. :D

My Atomic Garden-

Very nice.

The only thing I have is in the fourth line, I think that's the wrong weather. Small thing, but noticeable.

Other than that, very good imagery. I like it.