The whole "laughter" and "slaughter" thing is intriguing. It makes me wonder what that has to do with the story.

Wow, this is gruesome-it's fascinating. Oh God, a charcoal-burned head placed on a table-I'm so glad this is text because if it were a movie I don't know how I would've reacted from seeing that. It's a nice way to start off the story and draw the reader's attention as well.

There's punctuation missing in some places. “Watch your tongue”-there should be punctuation there at the end of the sentence. And also at the end of “Poor guy” and “Eh, no thanks”.

"Anyway, since both of you are so free to chitchat. New orders"-I think that would've been better off as "Anyway, since both of you are so free to chitchat, new orders."

“Hello, I will still here people"- You mean still "hear" people?

"as if the otter world around them ceased to exist"-As if the "other" world around them ceased to exist.

"And occasionally drapped his black locks behind his ears"-and occasionally "draped" his black locks behind his ears.

"The raven haired reasoned calmly"-the raven haired "what" reasonsed calmly?

"Dave regretted of leaving his car in the parking lot"-I'm pretty sure you don't need the "of" in there.

"making Jeremiah grinned proudly."- making Jeremiah "grin" proudly.

"Dave and another policeman threw kidnapper"- threw "the" kidnapper.

"Dave casually swept his bloody knuckles casually on his uniform"-I don't think you need to say 'casually' twice.

The way the characters converse and tease each other is amusing and well-done. I can hear them in my head and even imagine their tones of voices. I've always loved crime stories, and this is exciting enough to keep me on edge. Keep up the good work.

I like how you started off this chapter because it brought a smile to my face and I thought it was creative, it made me want to figure out what smelled, haha.

I also like that you seem to have a great grip on your characters, especially Dave, and your dialogue flows really well. I also liked how you divided the parts in the chapter, as it gave a lot of different angles. I think the language you use like, "Wow, so cute." and stuff like that works well in its context to the characters.

I did find some mistakes in your dialogue tags though, make sure to always put a comma or period inside the speaker tag, there were a lot without them. Otherwise, solid beginning!

What? you lost them and then you found them? You are soo lucky!

It's been such a long time since I've read something of yours, care to give me a summary? :D

But, I think I slipped back into your world pretty easily, due to your wonderful writing.

One critique would be your descriptions of the eyes: "baby black blue eyes" Um, is it black or blue? Try to keep those at a minimum, because when overused, these descriptions feel padded and too much.

Hope you update soon!

Narq

One word: Speechless

the ending took me off guard. What does he mean? Hurry up and put on the next chapter. -craddle Lawrence- he sounds traumatized. After reading this insane chapter, never will see basement parking the same. You are one wild writer. I love your story so much. I am going to read the others now. Remember to put more chapters for this one. It is my favorite. I want to know what happens next, you cliff-hanged me with the ending!

Holy cow, I didn't see your updates. No wonder! I am happy, very very very very very happy now that I get to read the updates. it has been awhile that I didn;t see these people. I re-read the story (again) and fell in love with it (again). This chapter is so awesome and omg Jeremiah is my fav. He may be scary but he is such a cool and rare character. And OMG Lawrence is been stalked by this Merry creep. He needs to be a shower curtain man. Wait. Jeremiah is stalked too? Holy molly AMAZING CHAPTER.

I love Lawrence already and I'm not even to the second chapter.

Plus, Jeremiah and Dave make me laugh.

Wow! That's interesting. These homicidal psychos don't like each other much, do they?

Ah! Still so yummy! I read on joyfully!

The plot thickens! I see an assassin battle !

Oh the angels of death charge the dark mansion and rescue the angel princess! So enjoyable. I liked the connections to Lawrence and Vincent's childhood as well. Granny Reoure is a great character, I would love to meet her in real life.

Wow, Jeremiah wore his evil face in public. He's got no fear of discovery, does he? Interesting method to calm a mob, I wouldn't have thought of it myself. Good work. It really shows the unique twist to Jeremiah's mind. I'm surprised he didn't chase after Lawrence in that taxi, he seems like that the rest of the time. Probably a good plot reason for that though lol.

Oh his alter ego is CREEPY. I like it but it also makes me shiver. I hope to see more of it. I also look forward to the meeting between Criki and the Vacuumers, heheh.

Holy crap he's a multi-personality psycho murderer? Awesome! Can't wait to see what Law thinks about his dark side lol.

Oh nice! My face hurts from grinning so hard. Vincent's a bit tempermentl, isn't he?

Oh my Jeremiah is a stalker! Lol this was a fun chapter, but maybe Jeremiah is going to get irritating if he keeps that up? He needs an endearing quirk to make it seem amusing when he keeps bugging Lawrence. I really enjoy the tone of your writing, please continue it.