"By this time, the customer in the store had usually either lost attention or is gripping to the story like a gondolier to his money"

About this part, it should be all in past tense, no "Is," instead "was." I beleive is better.

And there were some other parts in the story where it suddenly changed from a past tense, to a present, it doesn't go in well, you should take care of those.

Other than that, this story reminds me of Pinnochio (Which I've just started reading) and I enjoyed it alot. It had nice pace and an intriguing back story to it.

"The marionette that the customer has so unwarily inquired about was his father’s last project."

This part I also got a tad bit confused about, is it the customers father's last project? Or the grand fathers? Or perhaps I just didn't read it right. Just thought I should point it out.

Anyway the light hearted nature of the story made it a very good read, especially if its your first work. Any way enjoyed it.

Alpha