Reviews for Apathy - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Apathy

simpleplan13 2008-06-27 ch 1,	abuseI think fp messed up b/c the sweatshirt line has some odd boxes in front of it at least on my computer. I thought the rhyming got to be a bit much, but other than I like the piece. It's really quite relateable and you get your emotion across very nicely.
xxInsanityxx 2008-06-25 ch 1,	abuseaw i luv this
Chedbug 2008-06-25 ch 1,	abuseThe opening of the poem really caught my attention, but I think you repeated "a careless look..." way too often. Just one stanza of it would be enough...two, maybe. Otherwise, I love it!
Durak 2008-06-24 ch 1,	abuseA poem that follows a simply rhyme scheme? That works? Been a while since I saw one of those. ;) I like it. It's simple, it's relatable, it's readable, and it's a little song-like, I think, at least in terms of subject matter and the chorus. Probably what I like most about it is how... "bare-bones" (in the best of ways) and straightforward it is. No frilly metaphors, which I think gives the narrator such a more relatable, "Jane Doe" kind of voice. You know? My only question is whether the chorus really works. I like the way you changed the last two lines, from "my thoughts" to "I"; and I like the symmetry. But by the third "A careless look", I was tired of it. I think the poem could be served better by changing it up a little, like you did with the last stanza, keeping the first two lines the same as before, but changing the ones in italics. Dem's my thoughts. Hope they helped.