That was quite dramatic. I liked how it had that certain feeling of despair throughout the whole story. It was inconsistent in certain places, in my opinion. The part where the narrator is walking with the girl, and then her thoughts turned to her grandmother was confusing. You could've mentioned her grandmother's name or the word "grandmother" when she starts talking about her. I thought you were talking about the girl that the narrator was with for a few paragraphs there.

To be nitpicky, there are some spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, but not a lot to detract from the whole story.

Overall, I thought it was quite effective in its portrayal of deep emotions.