 sooner or later its over 2008-06-26 . chapter 1i liked the once for change, twice for miracles |
 at the bottom of everything 2008-06-26 . chapter 1i like your message.
you have a few weak lines, like "let them just deal" which sounds like a bit of a cop out and "cause whomever can't take it needs to go quake it." don't sell yourself short for the sake of a rhyme.
add some stronger lines and you've got yourself a nice poem.
keep writing :] |
 Rae Michelle 2008-06-26 . chapter 1This is shy of becoming a strong piece. I love the lines "'cause we don't do these things twice", and "one for change, twice for miracles". Keep it up. |
 Isca 2008-06-26 . chapter 1I like the message. The only line I would consider fixing or revising is "Needs to go quake it." The word 'quake' just seems like the wrong word, but that's just my opinion lol. |