Spellbounding

It's death to me--the last moments as you hold a dying soul in your arms, and you describe the loss incredibly well for this one person, so it is invaluable to me.

McKinley

Amazing, both versions, although I do like the second one better - the words seem to flow better and more naturally.

I especially like the last stanza and it's contrast between the harshness first two.

But overall wonderful :)

great piece. the description is fantastic, and the images are arsenic, pealing through my skin. quote unquote. you have an imagination that i'd like to steal.

I like both pieces, although I do feel the second is a little stronger. They're both good.
Faith

great description

great usage of words!

i feel like after reading this second version, i can see more of what you thought the first piece lacked. but i like them both for their differences. the last stanza in this piece is beautiful. i like what you did with "needles and narcotics" in the first peice far more than how you used it in the second.

the second version is my favorite, but only after reading it twice and even then not by much. i still think you're too hard on yourself.

i enjoyed this. i don't think this piece ever "loses its meaning" but i think it does shift into something other than what it started as. i think some of the words sound too careful, too purposely crafted in part i. but all the same i think this is well done. you seem too hard on yourself.

this new version is really pretty. i love the gentle internal rhyme of scars, stars and stigmas, and a lot of other things that would be pointless to list. and the ending-- it's cool.

I love the choice of words you used, make this piece stand out. Great job. Keep it Up!