Okie Dokie, so I've gotten to the latest chapter! Ethan still looks to be the "gentleman" but I don't know how long that'll stay along, especialy after what Isabella said. Can't wait to see what comes next.

You might want to check how vista put up the document in this later chapter. It seemed like, towards the end, that a sentence was cut out. Just point it out.

Update soon! I did, so you have to hold up your end too! ;)

Okay, so now I'm up to my second review! I'm on a roll! You did much better on the word count in this chapter! :) You know me though, I like to invision every detail. Well, I have to say that Ethan seems to be a very nice guy...Almost too good to be true, perhaps? I suppose I'll see, but as of now, I think I'll take Isabella's view on him? Always better to know who you're dealing with. So far I think Isabella's the coolest character. Hm, I wonder why?

Anywho, good job on the chapter. I'll be moving on to the next.

So, I've finally gotten around to reviewing this story. Isn't it sad that it's taken this long? Don't answer that...Anywho, onto the review. I have to admit that you have a compelling main character. Charlotte is definitly different than any other character you've written about...other than the stubborness. ;) Also, her mother sounds like a typical in that time. I don't know /why/ but she reminds me of Mrs. Bennet for some reason. Just so you know, that was very sarcastic...

Well, that's about it. You might want to change the barbeque to like a social perhaps? That way you could have a lot more people there, but whatever. Either way it's good. Going to review the next chapter now. :D

I was so excited to see an update of this story because I think the plot you've created has GREAT potential! There were a few typos in this chapter, so if you look back through, you should pick them up easily. One time Mrs. Weller is talking, but you call her Mrs. Gregory, and there is a partial quote that doesn't make any sense. Just an fyi for the editing stage of things. I am curious about so many things, which is an amazing skill because it makes me want to come back and continue reading, I'm sure it's the same for everyone else! I'm wondering if Isabella has heard something about the Gregory boy and assumed it was Ethan...perhaps James is the one that is up to no good? By his surly attitude and distaste for people in general, I have a feeling he's a bit of a troublemaker! But, that's my opinion. I think you're doing a great job with Mrs. Wellers character, she's so overpowering...reminds me of Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. Excellent work, I look forward to the next chapter whenever you have time to post it!

I was going to ask what side is she on considering the war and how she referred to her servant as a black servant rather than a nigger slave. Well, all's answered. The second paragraph answers what side she's really on when it comes to her stance in the war. She's neutral. A person looking for the pacifist way out of the approaching war is one stance. I wonder what stance the man she falls for will be?... Guess I have to find out.

Another thing that I find mystifying, but not in the sense of it being exactly puzzling, is why she's so hung up on people ridiculing her. Sometimes when we concentrate on nothing but the negative of a situation, then we get exactly what we believe or we see only that which we believe... I wonder whether you'll have her notice this later on or not.

Anyway, to the lines:

{As the carriage got closer and closer, charlotte tried to take in the scene.} I think you accidentally forgot to capitalize the 'c' in Charlotte.

{How long will it be before the laughing started? Charlotte thought, as she carefully stepped out of the carriage. With her foot secure, she let her body move downward, only to discover that her dress had been caught.} Again this shows she is really hung up on her crippleness. More so than others are I bet... And as someone who comes off like she doesn't want to care, she can't help but to. I hope she learns to deal with her own private insecurity and ignores others if they do tend to ridicule or take pity on her for her crippleness.

As I've learned, to be crippled or handie-capped is only a matter of the mind... Meaning that if we allow our own insecurities transscend further than the situation or circumstance, than we incapacitate ourselves more than it does. And what we feel about ourselves reflects to those around us.

{What was the use of trying when there were Melissas everywhere I go.} Lol! I totally agree. What is the use of trying when there are Melissas or Michelles everywhere? This needed a question mark because it was rhetorical.

{Then, she felt someone clear their throat behind her. Slowly, Charlotte turned around only to find Ethan standing right there. She almost jumped, out of fright.} Okay... To be really honest because the events of a friendship or fruitation of a relationship seem to be developing after these words, I doubt (am doubting) that he'd seriously recognize her out of all the good looking girls at the gathering... Melissa included... I have to agree with Charlotte's thinking of why her? Unless he plans to use her for certain means... Call me a disbeliver in love at first sight, but I thinking call this **... No offense...

I'm curious though if he has a real interest in her or... a false one?

{“Well, I’m glad to hear. Not many gentlemen show any sort of kindness to women now a days. It seems like all we are to them is someone to cook, clean, and raise their children for them. But mind you, don’t go making judgments about him just yet. He may just have that kindness as a disguise.”} And her friend voices my thoughts...

You know, I really didn't think she was naive... A bit lonely, but not naive.

In an overall view, the story is nicely written and so was the characterization of mostly everyone-- especially Charlotte. When it comes to mistakes, there were only a few spots that needed commas mostly. Nothing else really big that needed to be concentrated on. A little revision and it will be good as new. Hope you weren't looking for me to point out every spot... I find that pretty grammar nazi like, so I don't and won't do that...

As for the story ending abruptly, it didn't. The chapter was pretty long, so ending it the way it did wasn't bad and on the note it ended.

To more updates...

~M.Stains

Oh, boy. That first sentence had my head reeling. Try dividing it in two: "Little pebbles covered the sad excuse for a road. The sound of the horses' pounding hooves filled Charlotte's ears."

Oh, I wanted to say how much I enjoyed two little sentences. For some reason Charlotte's voice seemed so clear and believable when she thought, "More of a skip, really...And it makes her look awfully childish."

I'm wondering if Ethan would have asked her for a stroll immediately after meeting her, if that was proper for that time. He seems like a lovely gentleman, though.

You know, the last sentence is a little weak. Maybe add one thought afterwards. An example (you can think of a much better one) would be something like, "'Yes, I suppose it is,' Charlotte agreed. It certainly wasn't easy to be friendly." Just something for readers' minds to rest on.

Hello! Sure was an attention-getting beginning. Right away I noticed an error, though. You need a comma after "screamed." An edit, or a beta, would help you fix those typos.
I think I mentioned this when I reviewed your other story, but I'd really like to see what would happen if you tried to minimize word usage while making it equally or more descriptive. For example, "And shouldn't a girl of seventeen in the deep south already have serious beau?" (Beaux is plural, or a beau if singular.) You could say, "And shouldn't a Southern Belle of seventeen years already have a serious beau?" That doesn't actually cut word count any, but it tightens the sentence by minimizing prepositional clauses. See if you can use precise words, too, just to make things even more interesting.
Also, I know it was a different era, but your dialogue doesn't always flow believably. I'm sure partly that's just me, but see if you can make things sound more smooth. Try reading the dialogue aloud.

A story where the main character has an irreputable attitude and, yet, wants to fall in love with someone... humm. Then she's also a bit of a cripple. Interesting mixture...

I think like her I'd of been reluctant to the gathering... Which reminds me, a barbeques were not a thing known during that time... they called them a gathering or something other according to the standard of the party.

Anyway, I kind of felt sorry for her... That is for a while... Why should a person be forced to go to something they don't want to go to? Pitiful...
And what was her mother talking about when she asked does she want to be alone, without money and so on and so forth? Did she mean they'd disinherit her because she couldn't get married?... It is the 1800's women did inherit something...

Well, to move on, the story itself seems rather nice and is written with interest. So there is no disputing that... There were a few parts where I saw minor slip ups, like where you called Mary Marcy. Little things like that could easily be corrected through revision.

Until my next review...

~Faith

This was an interesting first chapter. I love reading of heroines who aren't perfect in appearance, so I found myself liking Charlotte more for her wounded leg. Anyways, you have me curious as to what sort of guy Ethan might be!

I think you caught one of my criticisms: the ending. The way it ended wasn't the problem. The problem was how Lydia just appears out of nowhere at the very end. Maybe you could work her into the story, like maybe Charlotte sees her when she first arrives and tries to socialize with her before she meets Ethan...and then continue the story from there. If you did that, the ending would work much more smoothly.

hiya

this chapter was just as good as the first. And i like the way you ended it, rather than carry on about the picnic etc.

Angel

First, I love Ethan's character, he really does seem sweet and genuine. I really like him a lot! He was really adorable with her. And I think this chapter definitely adds to the progression of your plot and characters. Just a couple things...

You describe Melissa as a girl who is beautiful and can have any man she wants. My thought was...then why doesn't she? At her age she could even be married at that time? Perhaps you could just throw a disclaimer in there about her being particular? I feel like girls back then dove into marriages to good men that would provide, and it wasn't the time of hopping from man to man.

Also, when Charlotte is walking with Ethan. You start by mentioning how relieved she is that he didn't seem to notice her limp, and then she brings it up, to a perfect stranger. I really liked the end of that conversation though, leading to the dance, which I definitely think should be in there! I wonder if you could go about it in this way instead. I don't know that you need to start with her traveling, that topic didn't seem to flow very well, maybe instead, you could start with Ethan asking about her leg, nicely.

"I notice that you have a bit of a limp, did you sprain your ankle? Perhaps you would rather sit instead of walk?"
"No, I have had this limp since I could walk."
"Might I ask what causes it?"

You could then take the conversation into her parents being overprotective because of it, and I think it might flow more naturally, if you use something similar. Just a suggestion!

I love that he asks her to dance, and I don't think the chapter ended too abruptly at all! I think it was really a nice length for a chapter, and I agree that the rest of the barbecue might have been a bit much. Really interested to see where this goes!!

hiya

I really liked this story. Great first chapter. Please update i would love to find out what happens. Charlotte character comes across really nicely and Ethan adds a interesting mix.

Angel

Let me first say, don't worry about chapter length! This chapter length was fine...don't push yourself to get a certain word length...I know i was captive to that once, and it usually caused my chapters to drag. Not saying some long chapters aren't fine...but it doesn't have to be your goal.

I like where you're heading with story. Charlotte definitely seems like she was a unique young woman in her time. I'm interested to read more about her and her struggles. I think you opened the story well, with a good hook for the reader. I am interested to read because of her limp, and what it means to her every day life. One of my students in my first grade class had this exact problem. He had surgery on his leg the year before, he is the most adorable little boy, and when he didn't have his special shoes on, he would run with a little limp. Reading this made me miss him a little bit!

Ok, just a few things. First of all, I thought the jump to her leg when she was looking in the mirror was a little hard to follow, it didn't seem logical if you know what I mean...so maybe you could think about that, and develop that paragraph a little differently if you go back and edit. Also, I think it's unusual that her mother would ask why she didn't want to go... if she had been struggling with feelings about her leg her whole life, I think her mother would have known that's why she wouldn't want to go. And the last thing...I would just change the word barbecue to picnic. I don't think they had barbecue's during the Civil War time period. They may have cooked out, but I don't think they would have refered to it as a barbecue, I think they would have just called it a picnic. And while that might be a more bland version of what they were going to, I think it would ultimately be more accurate.

Looking forward to reading more!

AHH!! please write more. Because of Charlotte's limp in her leg, this story has a new twist!! Very interesting, can't wait to read more.