Wow, this is so sad and well-put. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a brother in the army like that, but I think that you phrased it very well. I loved the repetition of 'big brother'. Also, the last stanza was amazingly sad.

'One, two, the skyline bathed in a crimson hue.
Three, four, the blast shook them to their core' ah I love internal rhymes.

'Big Brother, they’ve kept you away for a year.
Dates keep getting pushed back, prolonging your return.' That's so sad.

*sigh*. Great poem.

Wow, how touching. It's very hard having a family member involved in the war, and I like how to illustrate how hard it is for everyone, not just the people directly involved. So I thought the line "we're losing this war" was good because it could be talking about different kinds of wars, like THE war or the internal wars that people are battling as a result.

I'm not usually a poetry person, but I have to respect you for this one!

Another...amazing poem.

I love how you proved that poems don't ever have to rhyme to get the point across -or for it to be a respectable poem.

You wrote this poem so well and I can feel the emotions put into, really...It's heartbraking. I feel as if I were feeling the pain a family would if a family member were sent to war.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

konnichi wa

*tears* My cousin was a sergeant in Iraq. I kept thinking, "He's 24. He can't be a sergeant; he's just a little boy." Thank God he came home about a month ago, and he's safe and sound. Still, there are times when I'll cry not for him but for others like him who weren't so lucky.

And yes, this makes perfect sense. I love that you wrote it as if speaking to "Big Brother."

"Enough time to marry your girlfriend"

I like this line. I don't know exactly why, but it just touched me. As if the unsaid words linger in the air: yes, enough time to marry her, but not enough time for anything else. To get to know her better and to have that first year of marriage together with her, etc.

I like that you put "freedom" in quotations.

Ha det
-Shan-