FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| rebeldork 2008-06-29 ch 1,   | Interesting is the first word that came to mind. I didn't like the summary (the quote didn't really fit, I don't think, even if it was from the story), and the story seems much more original than the title. :) That's supposed to be a compliment. It's a bit strange that her name is Little Girl. Not confusing, jsut awkward. Unless there's a reason for that, and people really do call her that instead of her name, then a name or even just "the little girl" would be better things to refer to her as. The merman seems cool. This story seems interesting. I like your descriptions - I can picture it very well, and it's not excessive - and your ways of phrasing things, especially little things such as "almost drunken words". Those give it a very distinctive voice, even if it does not sound like a little girl's at times. Great story - interesting to see where this goes. |