Reviews for Malcom - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Malcom

Ellie 2008-08-21 ch 5, anon.	abuseNukers! ^_^ I liked this chapter a lot. Like you said, the ending was only so-so, but that's what happens when you get sick of stuff. Usually I don't even bother to try, I just leave it hanging. It was a little unclear exactly what was happening after Malcom left the bar, though. But I loved the beginning, and it has emo Nuki in it! :D So thumbs up from me!
Kaggr 2008-08-02 ch 4,	abuseMalcom blinks a lot in this chapter... "My head snapped up so fast that I thought I heard something snap." I understand what you were trying to get at, but the wording was silly and made me giggle. :3 "In my surprise, I nearly fell over again." What? When did he get up out of the sand the first time? Earlier you'd said that he'd fallen, and then he fell again but didn't get up after the first time? D: Defying the laws of physics, anyone? I had a few more things that I thought were slightly off but I forgot about them. Oops... Nice chapter though. :3
Skylark1 2008-07-31 ch 4,	abuseHmm. The mystery of the colour-changing eyes! Do you know, I think this is the first time I've read a story in which a main character has eyes that change colour and actually liked that detail? Usually characters with changing eyes just have some superficial reason behind it like a mood swing, and I get the feeling that it's really just been put in there to make the character seem cool. But in this case, there's a detailed system behind the eye colour, with social implications and indications of aptitude and everything! I think it's done really well. Good chapter! :)
envirofriendlykrissooo 2008-07-30 ch 4,	abuseAnother great chapter. I very much like the idea that magic works like an organ. It makes sense, and it's easy to accept, contary to the more popular beliefs that it's learned, etc. blah blah blah. It definitely didn't drag on, and the last sentence was well... for lack of a better word, mean. How dare you leave a cliffhanger, how dare you! Haha, anyhow. Update soon, and keep it up.
Ellie 2008-07-20 ch 3, anon.	abuseLike it so far! The scenes with the wife sort of drag on, though. As cute as it is, I don't think normal spouses carry on like newlyweds all the time. I also think it would do you well to skip around a TINY bit less. You've got great charries, and it's always irritating when good charries are jerked away, even if it's to make way for new ones, so you probably don't want to do it any more than you have to. But the writing flows wonderfully, and the first person narration in the second chapter could have come right out of a book. ;)
envirofriendlykrissooo 2008-07-19 ch 1,	abuseGreat first chapter, I can't help but love it. This deserves more than five reviews!
envirofriendlykrissooo 2008-07-19 ch 3,	abuseWhat? theres not any more? well **. I just expected to keep reading and reading this awesome story and now... well, now I'm sad. Please update soon, i'm a very impatient person, it's a curse, I'll have to start re-reading the chapters. haha, but yeah. this is great so far. I especially loved the very beginning. It really drew me in. And the way you described Ian was so perfect, I could so easily picture him scared shitless infront of Malcom. Great characters by the way, they're very real, and human.
Equilibrium 2008-07-19 ch 3,	abuseThis is brilliant! I'm SO happy someone finally broke the stereotype of elves/dark elves, and actually gave them personalities. (Ian is adorable with his stuttering and all, but the spotlight goes to Malcom.) I can't wait to read more, and this is going onto my Alert List at warp speed. Update soon or I'll die of anticipation!
Kaggr 2008-07-19 ch 3,	abuseMoar, give me moar... I'm not particularly sure if I like how the chapters switch back and forth between perspectives. Switching between the characters is all fine and dandy, but going from first to third is a bit different, particularly how your first person is written. We get to see Malcom through Ian's eyes, but I'd like to see Ian through Malcom's eyes a bit more. I feel like I'm cheating since I know some of the characters, lawl. But either way you write it, it's a great story. I'm curious to see where Malcom's story goes. But one other thing: Are we not supposed to know what Henry Araneal does? We know he's rich and famous, but we don't know why. Was that intentional, to be revealed later in the story, or an oversight?
Skylark1 2008-07-19 ch 3,	abuseYes, I'm beginning to love Malcom's character. I definitely share his frustration with Ian. Maybe you can make the stammering and stuttering work, after all. But... argh... Ian is so annoying! Good job, though. This is a really enjoyable read.
Skylark1 2008-07-19 ch 1,	abuseWow, this is so original! Great idea so far! I'm not sure I like Ian's character so far, though. He seems a little too wimpy. I know he's meeting a convicted killer and all, but the stammering (unless he has a stutter problem) and 'collapsing' into a chair is going a bit overboard, I think. It's more annoying than endearing, and doesn't really sit true with me. Malcom is done well. He sounds exactly the way you'd expect a hardened prisoner to sound - tough and in control. I read a lot of stories that try to do this type of character and fail, but I think yours gets it spot on. One thing, though - are death row prisoners really allowed to wear metal jewellery? I would think that studs would be banned, thanks to the sharp pointy end on the back. That's just what common sense tells me; I don't know what the standard practice is in prisons. But that's something you might want to look at.
rebeldork 2008-06-29 ch 1,	abuseYou seem like the sort of person who would appreciate constructive criticism, so I'll do the best I can with that. This review may be a tad disjointed, though, because I'm writing it as I read. Just to let you know :) "It wasn’t helping. “I keep telling myself that, but…” He shook his head. “It doesn’t help.” " Okay - You say in the sentence before that it's not helping. We'd get the point if you cut out the thought, and it's less redundant. You seem to have the wife doing a lot of arm-looping - "she looped her arms around his waist/neck". It sounds strange to use the same words too much, in my opinion. I like Ian, so far. He seems neurotic and twitchy and human and a lot like me, actually. Nice sort of untypical hero. There also seems to be a lot of "steeling" going on here... It's a nice word, I like it too, but maybe "readied" or "braced" could be used instead, or another similar word. I know next to nothing about prisons, but I'm not sure they'd let him have all of the metal jewelry in jail. It might be a hazard, especially if it's large enough to use as a possible weapon... I don't know, so I'm probably wrong. I've decided now that I love Ian. A fantasy writer? I'm not sure why he ACCEPTED this, but it does seem exciting. Or, for that matter, why the heck they would let a convicted murderer let a man into his cell, a man who wasn't a reporter or lawyer. But suspension of disbelief aside, it's a really great story so far. Your dialogue's good, and besides a few little description tics (that I've pointed out) there aren't many flaws. :) I'm not familiar with the book you've talked about (I've heard of it but never read it or any other books by that author), but I totally understand about making villains seem more sympathetic. No, not sympathetic... "human" is the word I'm looking for, but that's not right in this case. ;) Understandable. I have a habit of falling half in love with villains in books and movies, and it's unfortunate. So I understand your thoughts completely. And I'm definitely looking forward to Chapter 2 (or 1? I don't know!).

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