o i really like ur story please update

i like it so far..im only halfway through or so but its good =)

nice mix of characters, they balence each other out nicely =)

good job

"There was nothing to be done, nothing to be said, and the reactions he had been feeling, yesterday evening and today – they shouldn’t have ever existed. He was wondering in a circle of his own emotions, in a silly maze that was so simple a small child could escape it, with the exit door blinking in bright, bold letters right before him, its color reflecting off the sheen of his eyes. It was as if he’d been given a very simple math problem, but for some reason, was at a loss on how to solve it, despite knowing the procedure." I don't understand that paragraph.

Hmm... I liked the first part about his dream, because it made me curious. That's when you know your story is good, when someone gets curious to know what happened.

The places where Fahst and Andre switch points of view are confusing, you need to either (a) clearly indicate who's saying what (b) just stick to one guy.

From a scientific standpoint, I don't think your explanation of allergies and lactose intolerance are exactly accurate. Allergies is when your immune system overreacts, I mean, it's bad in the first place, but they just do TOO MUCH. It doesn't "reject" anything.

I don't like the word 'idiot'.. there are better ways to express Andre's inferiority. Or maybe you can drown him in a crimson sea of shame.

"Fahst rubbed the back of his neck and gave an embarrassed smile." and whole flattery thing seems out of character for Fahst himself. He seems just like a chill guy, passive, mostly. As you have said, he doesn't like the spotlight, so it kind of follows he doesn't like praise. Maybe he's a paradox -_- but to the author's discretion once again !

In the first section, clarify Fahst's effect on Andre. I know, you've said it already, but it's nice to repeat. And you need to clarify why Andre feels like he's an idiot. I think, since this is 1959, you can exploit the whole taboo issue of being gay, but if you're not going to run that way, it's fine.

I am not quite sure about switching POV to Fahst, because that disrupts the unity of the story, and you don't really have a set code of "this is when Fahst speaks" and this is when Mr. Andre speaks. I don't mean to be a damper.

I don't quite believe the bullying scene. I think it has to do with the dialogue, but I can't really offer suggestions to improve dialogue =/

I liked your scene where Andre is looking upon a sleeping Fahst. How I think it could be made better is to describe Fahst's feelings told from the point of view from Andre. Otherwise, I really don't get a sense of who Fahst really is.

Next, I have the feeling that the little squabble between Fahst and Jacque is perforated with some curt silences; maybe not total silence, but everyone else besides the two talking are silent. That would help the quiet "power" of Fahst pervade more, and provide more an impact. I don't feel all together very nicely about the description of Fahst while they're having the conversation, because it detracts. As a reader, my eyes slide from the last line of dialogue to the next, which kind of jumps over everything.

Chapter 4: * you do not have to follow my suggestions, and I am not reviewing to flame.

The first section just seems like a buffer, nothing important happens really, and I would delete that. The same thing about the second section. I felt as if I could just breeze past it, and not miss anything. The same thing about the third section. The thing is, you either have to (a) introduce a substantial subplot (b) cut them out (c) include something of Fahst in there. Because what you really look for in the story is the resolution of the dilemma, not filibuster, and you must include the compenents that will eventually lead to the (un)happy ending.

The fourth section definitely picks up. Interesting thing about the heroin. -_- but good foreshadowing about the androgynous description later on in the story.

When you wrote, "Really, the life of a teenager was quite stressful." I wasn't sure to take it at face value or see sarcasm, because I didn't think that all of the issues presented beforehand were very ... stressful?

I'm not sure about the way they talk about being gay, because that is a very taboo subject, even for today, and for teens in 1959, I really doubt, even the most radical... but I applaud you on the cigarrettes, because people in that time period really were copious smokers... and still are (unfortunately).

Chapter Three: * reminder; this is what I think, not what you think, so you don't have to bother changing anything.

I really don't like the name Clovis, reminds me of the devil, the cloven-hoof delinquent. -_- but don't change it =)

not sure about the rubber duck sticker, did they have rubber ducks? I'm inclined to say no, especially in the setting after the WWII (or WWI, I'm very bad about this stuff)..

As I do love my classical music, I liked your passage when Fahst was playing. However, the divide kind of made it very less subtle that Andre was somewhat entering in a "new world"-ish, my terminology is a bit off, but anyway! Moreover, during the passage, since I suspect it'll be Fahst/Andre coupling, a good revision would be: have Andre wondering what Fahst is thinking and feeling, and make that into an extremely effective characterization, instead of just looking at Fahst's exterior. Yes, he's playing this beautiful music, but what does that reveal about Fahst himself? Any music can heart-wrenchingly beautiful, but their performers all have their own stories. That, I think, will further deepen their "bond."

Also, I think it very uncharacteristic of Fahst to play such a long piece (I'm assuming, because the description was long) when he clearly abhors the spotlight.

Moreover, I do not like the characterization of Beatrice, simply she is portrayed as a whore early on, I happen to think that not all whores are horrible (haha, pun!), and there is much more to character than sexuality.

Don't use "aloneness".. use something else -_-

so far it's a good concept, but the only thing that kind of bothers me so far is the way the characters speak; it's not 1959 diction, but to the author's own discretion !

This sounds really good so far!

lol