really intense. i can imagine several possible meanings for this, and i like that it's open to interpretation. i also adore the phrase "coiled mirror"; it's very captivating and darkly intriguing. well done.

Heyy,

Just an overall critique here on your last five or six pieces... There're getting progressively, if not, similarly as dark? I say dark, for want of a better word, cause' i think the themes aren't that bright (: Something's got to be seriously bothering you, that much is obvious... You're hidin behind a veil of poetry... Don't. Let it out, into reality, not into literature. Literature can only do so much; you're no work of fiction are you?


Stylistically though, rather ingenious of you to write the way you do... Succint and conscise, the ability to say a million things in a few words is suppose to be a chinese thing, which i obviously do not posses -.- nevertheless, the fact that you've manage to say so much with so little is commendable (:

Cheers!

o...i really like the format you used, the bolding and italicizing of words, words in parenthesis, it really give the poem depth, it helps emphasize certain things, and it looks really cool

the only thing is i don't think the first line should be in parenthesis...italicized, yes, but i think it would be better withouth the use of parenthesis in this case

"are slowly going the.downward spiral" the phrasing of that sounded really awkward to me.

I also thought the formatting of slowly disintegrating was a bit much. Other than that I liked it a lot. The first and last line worked really well and I love the rest of the piece as well.

Hm...I think the use of the italics and the bolding is nicely spaced (beginning of poem, middle of poem, the ending...) so I wouldn't necessarily say it's overpowering.

I really don't know what this poem is about, but I guessed that it was a bunch of people slowly ruining themselves somehow (hence the "downward spiral"), and since it says, "i see the angel of retribution & hate," I'm guessing they get reprimanded for whatever they're doing later in life, ...or they die from it? (lol, I'm probably way off...)

As far as improving it, I'd say lengthen it, and make the meaning a little clearer. I have a feeling this poem is meant to be sort of an abstract piece, but if I had to suggest something...

-Ramen

I'm not quite sure what this is about, but I have a vague idea, and besides, this is well written. The bolding/italics/etc is nicely done, as it adds impact to the piece. I do love the 'coiled mirror' - beautiful imaginary. Just curious - who, or what, is JAnine? I believe that's the part that confuses me the most.

--
Thank you so much for the review+fav. :)

O, its interesting, I like the last stanza in particular. Good job xD

This is really short, but in a poignant way. It does have a lot of bold/italic formatic which is almost overpowering in such a short piece. I like it but I don't "get it", you know? It's pretty, with the imagery in the fifth and sixth lines. :)
Cheers,
r.