FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| shadows of a trackless sea 2008-07-06 ch 1,  | abuseI like the message of this piece, and the wording of the piece itself was good. However "and then away from that gaseous body" seemed to not fit well to me having it be followed by "the galaxy doesn't even need to end the journey of this flight" (my favorite line =) |
| helixdown 2008-07-03 ch 1, | abuseHm, kinda short for my taste, but then again its poetry not lyrics, i'm going to have to guess you write poety about almost everything, cuz all from what i've read you definitely have a variety here on fictionpress |
| simpleplan13 2008-07-02 ch 1, | abuse"up, up, up, and away/flying high." I would put a comma after away This piece was interesting. I thought the middle part needed more connection the idea of dreams though. The metaphor is again really creative & unique. |
| A Healing Heart 2008-07-01 ch 1, | abuseWonderful! |
| doctor's diagnosis 2008-07-01 ch 1, | abuseI like this a lot. :) The last line I think would sound stronger if it was "and ISN'T that everyone's dream?" Just a thought/suggestion. Good Job! Cheers, x.Rachel |
| painted.music 2008-07-01 ch 1, | abusekonnichi wa They were all great, of course; but that first stanza was my absolute favorite. I was wondering if you'd allow me to write it into my quote book - with credit to you, of course. I just figured I should ask before I do it. Ha det -Shan- |