 Ernest Bloom 2008-07-28 . chapter 1This is sad, but pretty good. I'll encourage you, as I do everyone, to put effort into three things, not necessarily in this order: (1) Paint images with words; make it visual, (2) Explore through all the senses, and (3) Put real effort into using exciting words! Otherwise lines can fall flat, like this one:
These memories we have are examples of what are to help us get through days, days like today
This is a clumsy construction shot through with energy-sapping, dead words like "these" and "we have are" and "of what are to" and "us get through." Seems to me you're trying to say that unsatisfying memories are all that both parties will soon have. Figure out how to turn that into a line instead.
Luck. |