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The writing style is good. It definitely sounded like an old sort of legend. It's sort of confusing in places though - then again, this isn't really my favorite style, so it could just be that I'm not used to reading it. I feel like there were phrases that could have been more straightforward. I understood it, but getting there was following a kind of roundabout route.

This does sound interesting. I can't tell where it's going or how the Falconkeepers fit in (hmm. the narrator mentioned that, didn't they?), but you seem completely sure of everything. So I may check back despite not loving the style.

Reviewing as I go, so this prabably won't be a prize-winning reivew, haha.

I like the beginning. It's very descriptive and catches the reader's attention.

Why do you only have single quotes for the first section of dialogue?

[Of course the betrothal was willing, something I had chosen for myself at a younger age.] Did she choose to be betrothed in general, or who she was betrothed to? Either way, I like that it was willing because it avoids a lot of cliches.

[Smiling, memory of the- whatever it had been fading from my mind, though leaving me with the knowledge that Tevaraeil was bound to ask about it later whether I pretended it hadn't happened or not, I bolted for home.] It took me a bit to figure this sentence out. It's a little long and has a lot crammed into it.

[Since I started standing here I’ve considered several times throwing something at her. I then reconsidered, though, when I realized what variety of pixy she’s busy with.] I like that her speach is so similar to her narration, because it keeps her character consistant.

You're conveying a lot of information about this world, but you're spacing it out, so it doesn't come acoss as an info dump.

[Now I lay on my bed] Tense switch.

I like the part about the eyes. It's interesting and original.

Overall, this was a very good chapter. You introduced one of the main characters, told a lot about her and the world, and still kept it very interesting. Very nice work :)

Hello, Arianna. I am from the review game.

May I first say the language is perfectly fine, the details of which I will touch on later. There are a few grammatical errors that I noticed, but they were not glaring enough to detract from the overall quality of the piece.

Your dialog is...hmm...tense. Apparently these are not a very conversational people. Okay, I get that. It just seems a little unrealistic. If incredible, dark, tension is what you intend, mission successful. If not, you may want to lighten it up a little.

Even though all you have done is lightly touch on the multiple characters, they are obviously quite variant. Many people have problems making unique characters. Make sure in future chapters to keep them all distinct.

Tiriol is an **. I like it. Make sure to keep grammatical syntax between his spoken and narrative language consistent, one of the pitfalls of the first-person perspective. Overall, the narration is clean and believable.

Nice work, Arianna. I may actually return when you update, especially if it is Tiriol who ends up turning on the Dragon King in a selfish effort to stop Kio, as I feel is implied already. Kind of like a counterrevolution. But maybe i'm crazy. :)

review game.

wow, interesting. i'm not an avid reader of fantasy myself, so apologies if my review may seem a little unenthusiastic and not as insightful. you present the scenes well, though i am not sure where you are going with the parallel stories (i'm assuming they are parallel). will they cross at some point? you have obviously planned this out very well, and all the characters are planned out, and i applaud you for that, i could never do that myself. good luck with this fic, i hope your readers will enjoy it :)

First off, I love the voice of the narrator, which sounds really archaic and aged, and I felt like he was telling the story to me, but some of the lines I found a tad bit confusing. Simplify things a bit, maybe?

I couldn't find any spelling errors, so that's good.

I liked the distinction between the two worlds, how one was so cut off and the other was so powerful and sprawling. Nice contrast there.

I loved the last line though,

'Let yourself read on now, and learn of what pain and bliss and coldness a dragon’s heart may hold."

it's poetically appealing somehow. ^ ^ Nice way to end it.

So far, so good. I just think that the narrating needs a little touch up.

-Ramen

Review Game!

Writing - Generally, I think the writing was good. It had a distinct voice to it, almost making the narrator its own character. However, there were times that you could have said things a lot more simply. It wasn't any specific type of word that you used a lot of, you just used a lot of words. The phrase "The Falconkeepers had a legend, spoken before even the first was known as we know them now" especially confused me.

Plot - Of course, I didn't read the first story, so much of the content here is complely lost on me, but I do like what I understand. I can tell you have the concept of Falconkeepers very clear in your head, which will help you clearly express it to the readers. In fact, your whole fantasy world sounds well thought out. As for the original summary you gave at the RG: Well, you know that I found that interesting :) It sounds like you can you're really going to take the main character falling in love with a fairy/phaerie cliche to a new and original level.

Enjoyment - I did enjoy reading this. I like how you explained a little bit for people who didn't read the first story, but not so much that people who did read it would find it boring. Then, once you covered information about the first one, you moved on to new content that will be in these one. Again, appealing to both returning and new readers. Also, the narrating voice felt very . . . interactive, I suppose. It felt like he/she was telling the story directly to me. It helped me get into it, and kept me interested.

Other: Summary - I'll have to wait for later chapters to be sure, but I think it was a good move to go with Frac's summary. It sounds more like this narrating voice of this chapter. I also think it leaves more questions with potential readers. The contrast of kill and love is attention grabbing.

Overall, this is off to a nice start. I look forward to reading more. Please update soon!