Hi. Interesting story. Hope you decide to continue it.

I really enjoyed the beginning, sorry to see you haven't updated for a while.

I Like, I Lust, I Love!Please Update Soon!

please update!

I really like this storyXD You should up date it. Please XD

Very very nice! Keep up the good work!

Update soon!

Cookie

hey i love this story. i'm just kinda sad that you haven't updated in a while. please update this story. it's really good and i really want to find out what happens next. so please update this story,please? anyways thank you for putting this story up and i hope you update the story.

I Like, I Lust, I Love!Please Update Soon!

Love this. Laugh-out-loud funny. I couldn't stop reading. Ach! Why stop! Hope you update soon :)

Love this story, why hasnt there been an update?

Tristan is adorable :D

and whats going to happen to Keir?

PLEASE UPDATE!

haha. sounds interesting :D

Finally got around to reading Chap 3 and I just wanted to say, still love it!

Well written, your wit is hilarious. Had me on the edge of my seat and giggling my arse off.

Can't wait for the next chap!

*

Reyha

[Life is a lot like a Hoover vacuum, most of the time it just sucks.] lol, nice intro. Personally, I hate it when stories start off without a hook of some sort, so you've started off on the right foot.

[...he’d gotten that damned Ph.D. of his four years ago from Stanford.] I'm not sure, but a comma after his might be a good idea, because the sentence sort of runs together.

[It’s not that I hated history,] edit: 'It might sound like I hated history, but in actuality, I enjoyed it most of the time' might be a sentence that flows better as a transition from one paragraph to the next.

[...then I’d juset cracked a bone...] edit: just

[Man, I could buy my own freaking country with that much money.] lmao, I like the way she thinks.

[but Keir was more like my father than my brother...he wasn’t about to let me traipse halfway across the world without a fight.] This part seems a little redundant considering that you've already mentioned that Keir's overprotective. Either leave out the paragraph where you mentioned this earlier or leave out these couple of sentences.

I would suggest rewriting the last couple of paragraphs to build more suspense because even though the reader's aware that the main character (what IS her name, btw?) is in danger, the fear doesn't really translate itself. But other than that, the story's pretty good so far.

i am so hooked to this story. it's awesome and i can tell that it would be very interesting to read...especially Tristan, he seems good enough to eat. yum.

update soon!

I did enjoy the story, and it was very good and interesting. However, there are a few things I may have changed myself, so bare with me:

The two parents being dead thing is TERRIBLY cliche, but its not to say that you absolutely cannot make it work. It is only saying that I could pull a dozen stories offhand that have the same thing.

The beginning didn't really have the 'hook' that is needed to grab a lot of attention. I was interested anyway, so I read on, but casual lookers may not be turned to that. Info-dump at the beginning is not necessarily good either (but you did a reasonably good job at masking it).

These are just my opinions, it WAS good, and I very much enjoyed it!

-CL

- Dialog (how did it flow? Awkward? Didn't fit the age group that were speaking? Forced? How so?)

- Characters (too empty? Not enough to give an impression? Feel sympathetic? How so?)

- Relationships (is it credible that those two characters behave the way they do? Too unnatural? Forced? How so?)

- Writing (too flowery? Too many adverbs? Too oldfashioned for a high-school drama romance? Perfect match? How so?)

- Spelling/Grammar (anything that stuck out and needed to be corrected?)

- Enjoyment (how did you feel from reading this and WHY? Were you dozing off? On your seat with suspense? How so?)

- Plot (clichéd but well done? Interesting idea but poor execution? Suggestions on how to thicken it? Got no idea where it's heading, but interesting anyhow? How so?)

- Pace (are things progressing too slowly? If so, what should happen?)

- Techniques (how well you feel the techniques were used to convey the ideas in the story? How they were used an what effect it gave to that part of the story?)

- Other (anything you felt was left out from the other commentaries? Perhaps summing up all the bad and good points and closing it up with some final thoughts?)

Note: Summary and/or title is not a category of its own. Neither is descriptions. The latter belongs to "Writing".