I don't really have any contructive critisicms for now :). I'd love to see where your going with this story, its absolutely marvelous. Continue with the good work!
always reading,
~nicola~

Marvelous story. ;)

Wow! Very, um, disturbing if you don't mind me saying. But i like disturbing stuff so this is good! :)
I must say, your writing syle is beau-tiful. Some of the best I've seen. Absolutely marvelous.
Just a tip though, some of your sentences were a bit long (i have a problem with this myself) so I would suggest to break it into smaller sections, but not too much. ;)

All-in-all, wonderful.

Whats that sound I hear? Its my mouse-clicker hitting the fav's button!

Ciao!

~nicola