|Reviews for Don't Lose Yourself In The Carnival's Illusion|
| From The Stone Bridge 10/8/08 . chapter 1
| Scarlett Wynter 7/14/08 . chapter 1
The first and second poems are really great. Although I feel as though the word "ending" in the line "the epilogue of your fairy-tale ending" is redundant. just make it "fairy tale story" because epilogues are already at the end.
the third poem is interesting, I like the line about "embers of chortled ashes dancing like dragonflies" a lot. Although I don't understand the carnival relationship to that poem. Idk, maybe you could have used more carnival imagery in it beside just the imagery of a crowd. I thnk it would have made more of a point.
maybe it's just me but I don't understand the meaning behind the last line in the fourth poem, "dripping galaxies below infinity" sure it sounds very cool, but I don't understand what it's supposed to signify. also, I think that it should say "never will" not "never well" in the first line.
So basically, I like them all, but there is room for some improvement in the 3 and 4 poem.
| McKinley Cooper 7/10/08 . chapter 1
It's unsettling like a storm-I love it, especially nymphs of eden...
| East-0f-Eden 7/6/08 . chapter 1
99% of the time I adore your usage of wonderful adjectives. However, this time I agree that you took it a tad bit to far on the adjectives.
| Faith Adeline 7/6/08 . chapter 1
The first three are really good pieces, and the fourth (while good) isn't as...vibrant(?) as them. The others just have amazing imagery. I liked them all though. Keep it up!
| no.peace.los.angeles 7/6/08 . chapter 1
I'm intrigued. I'm not sure if some of the language was intentional or not, but it's interesting. I love the vibrancy of your writing; it's vivid and bright, even with the subject matter. Definitely intriguing. Keep writing! :)
| dandelioncupcakes 7/6/08 . chapter 1
"the delusion of our static love leaking with saccharine & anesthetic." ... "the crisp feel of smoke and fiction smudged across my teeth."
Breathtaking, as always.