FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| shadows of a trackless sea 2008-07-22 ch 1,  | abuseI really like your unusual ideas in this of a haircut for the heart, very catchy. Again I don't feel that the ending paragraph was very good but I loved the rest =) |
| simpleplan13 2008-07-15 ch 1, | abuse"but the split ends are ruining my appeal to you." the phrase appeal to you just sounded really awkward to me. I do however like the whole split ends hair/heart thing, that was really unique and interesting. I think the piece was a bit wordy in spots. "growing in," the stanza about hair cutting and heart trimming. "make my heart your home to do so," "break me away from everything/cut me off from everything" I also didn't think you needed to bold that word, but other than those two things I really liked the piece because as I said the metaphor was really unique and interesting. Nicely done. |
| Maziana 2008-07-11 ch 1, | abuseThis should probably be under the spirituality section, but it is a good poem. I like how you started with the abstract (faith, pure, etc) and then went to the literal with the comparison to hair growing in. I would suggest not mentioning that the dyed part in "my wavy, dyed hair." Unless you are going to reference the fact that the hair is dyed later in the poem, I think you should not mention it. But that is just my opinion. Very good poem. |
| RodeoGirl 2008-07-11 ch 1, | abuseI really liked how you used getting a hair cut to demonstrate how God can change lives. I liked it and it was very good. Some parts didn't flow to well, most of it did. Other than that, great job! Favorites! |