first sentence is great; it sets the scene but is artistic enough to not be bland and lose the reader's interest. from there, we see the main characters, and there's a lot of chemistry and what not... shucks, it's actually pretty cute! great piece, but I think it'd improve with a little editing. but it's good as is.

=D it was actually really REALLY good except there were the minor details about who they were and stuff =P

i really liked the beginning and then it goes a bit ...

Keep up the good work!

OMG,
Babe that was your best yet. I want to be her right now LOL. keep going i want to read a whole story!
xx

It's not crappy, it's just got some plot holes here and there, but then again, for a one shot, there's so much you can fit in. This would definitely be something that could be turned into a story. You know, how these two got to this point, why they were running away...all of that. It's definitely begging me to read before and after of this short story.

Love it!

ok, OMG! you were right about it being really good at the beginning! i loved it! you were kinda right about the two thirds, but i still thought it was really good! the only thing that confused me was why what she said was the first thing she had said in months! really good story!

by the way! what are their names! just a little minor thing!

sicker-4-green-eyes