Hi! I think your story is really cool. Your writing is really inspiring, I wish I could write like this!

I'm really into fantasy as well, and I have some stories of my own. I'd really like to hear what you think of them. Maybe you could give me some tips?

If you're interested in chatting, you can email me here: dragonsofivalice at hotmail dot com. (Ivalice is my fantasy world, hehe!)Hope to hear from you! ^^

This is a good beginning, it draws me in to the story. You did well on dialogue, which a lot of writers botch. Maybe you could have used some description though, because it feels like I'm missing something, like you had stuff in and took it out. I love that you use proper grammar and spelling, it makes the story so much better to read. Good job!
-Peace out.

Well this cahpter was good, I liked how Will was able to read nathaniel so easily and make him rethink about all the possiblities and views. I can't wait until the next chapter.

Ara

"This could not go wrong."
...hahahaha. Those words alone ensure much more fun to come. =D

You can do it, Mari!

Now for a somewhat-real review...

Ehh..there are some places where it seems extra-wordy--not in this chapter, but in the two I've read before. No need to do that. It's almost always better to cut out unnecessary words/phrases/sentences.
Adverbs are not your friends. =( A well-placed noun or verb will almost always serve you better. ("Kill your darlings," Stephen King said.)

Good so far! I'ma gonna stop rambling and read the rest you have now. =)

Taking a pit stop at chapter 8 during my read&review-athon to bring you this news bulletin: I really, really like this story.

For some reason it reminds me of Final Fantasy IX (that's a compliment, don't worry)- but of course it's unique. The atmosphere is set well, the environments and characters are clear in my head, and it's one of those times where I can't stop reading even when I have other things to do... which I kind of do. Really, though, I'm getting more and more drawn into the story, and I'm sure I'm not the first/last.


However, it DOES feel slightly convoluted at chapter 8(as a whole, not this specific chapter), and things are kind of bouncing back and forth before I can really get rooted. This is also a good thing, too, because it really makes me feel like I'm immersed in an entire WORLD.

The dialogue is pretty good, and while no one's particularly out of character, their characters seem slightly off. The King of Lyns_(spelling) doesn't sound like a king, for one, and Mel seems a little this one chapter, a little that the next... Sorry, I'm not being specific, and thus it's a poor review, but I'm just shooting these things out as I notice them. But this could just be a by-product of having so many shifting POVs.

While I AM interested, I still don't see what the big deal with Coveland is. People were expecting them to fall, people were racing to dominate them, and now that it's down, no one seems to really, really care, besides the Covelandians (Or Covels? :P). It seems like there's a lot of fuss over a small thing, and whatever the big DEAL is, it hasn't been revealed.

Apologies for this incoherent and askalfkdags'd review, I'm still ill and doing three things at once. But, your story has dominated my attention, and I'm going to get as far as I can tonight.


and Exhale...
-Will

Great chapter, i liked getting to see into Nathaniel's character a bit more and Will's for that matter. Happy writing =]

Ara

O! The plot thickens!

I really did like this short chapter. I had been wanting to get inside the heads of the ambassadors during chapter 2: now I finally got to! How fun!

Hey Mariella!

O! I like Chapter 2! Nice description, nice dialogue, and I love Nate! I think he's a great character! I love listening to his confusion over why the countries are behaving as they are! You completely pulled me into this chapter: I lost track of where I was!!

The only thing I would like to see is a little bit more background on the countries. I think that would help keep the reader straight. Also, when I picture the two ambassadors in my mind, they look exactly the same, so maybe one or two more identifying features for the reader to remember would be good. Maybe you could make the ambassadors representative of how the people of their countries look and act.

man i hate that she got caught, but i don't think she will be killed, hopefully anyways lol. Good chapter. Ara

I liked the length of this chapter, it was longer than some of the others. The detail was good, and i tihnk i only noticed one spelling error, i just cannot remember it.

Ara

I loved in this chapter how you gave so much insight into Rose's character. Great job =]

Ara

the description here was much better, i liked it, it made the chapter. Great job =]

Ara

Detail, detail, detail. I need detail on derryck. what does he look like, more of mels thoughts on him, etc.

Ara

well if you are trying to capture that much emotion i'd say detail detail detail and word uses. In all honesty i do not think that there was enough detail or description to accurately portray all the emotions.

Ara

You did very well on Rose's emotions but i think Will's could improve, give aome more insight to his character, i don't know. All in all the=ough it wsa a good chapter.

Ara