Reviews for Death on a bedroom floor

Reviews For: Death on a bedroom floor

S. M. Saves 2008-08-18 ch 1,	I feel that there are loopholes in this piece and it seems a little choppy. "nothing seems worth her time": Is this because there is no one better than "him" or her time isn't worth anything (as is said in the next line "she thinks she's a waste"). "she was just getting into her prime": Awkward wording. How about "she was coming into her prime" or "she was just about in her prime". Did the character commit suicide? That's one question that stands out in my mind after reading this or did she die of a "broken heart" so to speak?
Thoughtful Silence 2008-08-15 ch 1,	This was the kind of angst that I like reading. The way it is so blunt with the emotions on its sleeve is effective. In a sense, I liked how the rhyme gave this piece a kinda 'nursery rhyme' fell which contrasted quite morbidly with the subject matter... but at times the rhyming seemed a bit too forced (especially the last line which could have had much more of an impact). I feel like the lack of metaphors etc. really made this poem more realistic. Good job. Anyways, keep up the good work. - Silence.
eamane tinuviel 2008-07-27 ch 1,	Ouch. That was a sad poem :( I like your rhyme scheme (aabccbddbeeb) It's pretty unique, but flows quite nicely. Your word choices were pretty simple and not overly fancy, which I think helped strengthen the piece's honest emotion. All in all, great poem =)
Jesusfreak43091 2008-07-20 ch 1,	i like this piece, it almost seems like it should be a song instead of a poem. i think there's alot of pieces out there that are similar to this, where the girl can't live without the guy, and i think you did a good job portryaing that i do however find the ryhiming a little bit forced. but i like the format that you chose, it's different my favoriteline of this piece: her thoughts are of the worst crime

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