Umm.. well this was interesting to say the least.

It was a bit confusing.

I mean what the hell does dating someone have to do with breaking religion and all that shit?

It could be a great little one shot, but you don't have enough details in your writing.

I think you did a nice job on this. Your dialogue had a lot of impact.

I think you could break up the paragraphs more. It'd make it easier to read and follow the action. At first I thought that the story relied too much on dialogue until I realized that the actions and descriptions were lost in the long block of paragraphs.

It seems like the idea of this one was great, but sorts got lost. I like the interaction between the characters and the dialogue is great and very catching, but doesn't seem to be able to hold up the short itself.

Other than that the short was nice.

C.S.

OH, awesome prequel to In Bloom, Priya! :)

-Kristy

hey.

great opening. it pulled me right in. i'm interested for more!

Hmm...ok...nice piece...bad timing for me to read it. Good work though.

Unknown Survivor

This is a gorgeous work of art. Oh, and Happy Birthday.

Short stories are harder to write than you think. You have to hook the reader and make them care about your character quickly or the story just doesn't stick in people's minds well. While there is plenty of emotion in this, it's hard to really get into in because the reader knows very little about the character and is thrust right into the characters personal turmoil. Next time, try to make it longer. Give some background, but don't go into too much detail or you'll loose the reader. It's a fine line we authors have to walk, but you have potential. You just need a little more balance.

I'm sorry about my other review, I'll make this one better! This story was great and well written, you should defiantly write more on this! Kay? not depressing at all...

I like this oneshot, and I can definetly see it turning into a full-blown story. :)

omg wonderful! You should deffinatly write more for this story. it has a good storyline! oh, and congrats on being 14, you have a lot of skill for being so young...what am I saying? i'm 14 too! hahaha. use your talent, its a gift and a curse... well ok its just a gift. haha

That was a good one. I really like how you write.

this was very well written. good work(:

Aww, that would be so terrible... to love someone so much, but to be unable to stay with them because of religious issues or parental problems. Extremely well written, I loved it. It could totally become a longer story, if you wanted it to. I wouldn't mind, lolz. I'm curious as to who Damien is. Perhaps her brother? A best friend, maybe? Or I'm probably just stupid and not picking that up. Anyways, love it. Great job!

You have no choice! YOU MUST MAKE THIS A STORY!

It's amazing!

I think this would work brilliant as a pro-louge and then you go back and tell the story for a few chapters and then go into what happens.

It's brilliant!

Katie x