|Reviews for A Tale of Woe|
| Thuly 2/22/10 . chapter 6
Awesome! Please update soon, I'll be waiting. Poor Craine. T_T
| shiverfox 2/15/10 . chapter 6
Craine is so sad...why don't any of the guards take pity on him? They can't all be scumbags :(
| DriftingFantasy 2/8/10 . chapter 6
It is truly heartbreaking though, that last chapter seriously made me cry. Full out tears drippin down ma face crying.
But your writing is excellent!
Im lovin the prospect of an update:)
| Cooked Juice 1/15/10 . chapter 6
really like this chap. The emotional play makes it all touching. Nice chapter. More please!
| PencilSketchS 1/14/10 . chapter 6
Wow, it's been a long time since I've read about Lorewolf and Craine! Poor Craine, he's still stuck with those soldiers. I felt really bad for Lorewolf when he found out about it. You really portrayed everyone's emotions really well, from Mathia's reluctance and guilt to Lorewolf crying in his room, and his disbelief when he woke up.
I'm just glad Lorewolf is going after him right now. Of course he would not give up on the love of his life. And thank you Jen for helping him, too. Although I don't think Craine could have any babies.
As for plot ideas? Maybe while Craine was captured he found a person who is trying to help him a little. I don't know who, a child, a servant, one of the soldiers even. Just don't torture Craine too much, because that would be really hard to read, and to write too, I'd imagine. That's all I can think of... sorry.
Good work. You still need to work on your sentence consturction, but your idea and the story you're telling shines through. I'm looking forward to more.
| Jessica C-MK 1/12/10 . chapter 6
Cool chapter with an angry Lorewolf. He's so realistic in here. Mathia'll be so sad after this.
Update! Keep up the good work.
| FemoralGlyph 1/12/10 . chapter 6
-came prepared with a box of tissues- Oh lord.
-dramatic tears- Wah-hah-hah-hah!D’X The suspense was more than I could take and now poor Love-kun knows the truth!;A; Poor bebe! I swear, when I finished the chapter before this I didn’t think that I could bring myself to read this next chapter but after I found out that you had updated (not from my alerts, since I only favorited –facepalm- Dearest PalmTree alerted me, bless her soul! I’m so clueless…) I just had to go onwards!
It was such a delicious chapter, and well worth the wait!:3 Oh god, oh god! –has to sit down- There isn’t even any room to fudge some panda-power in here somewhere with crunchy rainbow gnomes! NO ROOM! I’m so mellowed out by this it’s crazy! –flail- Absolutely crazy!
The bit where Love-kun smashes his chair through a window? BADASS! (And accurate to what would be expected of someone who’s lost a huge chunk of their world, like poor Love-kun!;-; -pets the bebe- ) I know that it’s bad of me, but I enjoy moments like these where you’re not really sure how the character will react! And when they do, you just flail at the hopelessness!XD Ouh, I shouldn’t be enjoying this, but-but…-fan squeal- All that yelling and pushing things aside made me giggle because…-sings- I knew before Love-kun! I was there and he wasn’t! Dodo dado! –does little dance- Ahha! –cough- NO! But, I felt like I was one of the people screaming in the crowd, you know?:3 Only I wasn’t surprised, scared, or bleeding…I was just fansquealing like all of those training bra-wearing tweens at a jonas brothers concert. Yeh. I’m man enough to admit it (even though I am not a man… o.o)
Awweh, even though Love-kun was deserting his mama and little Bendy (who I’m convinced is really the illigitamet child of Love-kun’s mama and a mystery man that was, at first, attracted to the sounds of our favorite couple making love in mama’s hotel-thingy but then seduced mama into giving up the goods. Nine months later- BAM! –confetti- BENDY! Heh heh heh…) the end was still cutie and filled with hope and joy and joyness!:3 …I hope that you crush it like a fat guy crushes little kids when he sits on the park bench! –evil laugh- Mwahahaha! More strings, my dear! More strings will be pulled, I can feel it! –giggle-
OUAH! A shoutout! (sort of!;D) –wiggle- Why thank you!:3 –bowbow- I’ll have to check out my fellow shoutoutees! I promise to put you on my alerts this time so that I do not miss the next lovely chapter!8D
-el gaspo!- OH NOES! –gets out big flyswatter- SHUN THE WRITER’S BLOCK! SHUN IT! –swat swat swat- I am Alshmee! Writer’s block, you keel my father. Prepare to die! –crazy swatting spree-
-Pantpant- Did I keel it?:3 –smooch-
| Palm Tree 1/11/10 . chapter 6
The beginning reunion was so touching, and you did such a lovely job of summarizing Lorewolf’s point of view upon returning. It was so sweet (like that's any surprise. ;D) and would have been absolutely perfect if only Craine had been there. -headshake- But of course that wasn’t possible and so the burst of joy couldn’t last for long. Aside from conveying well a mother’s delight at having her son return from a long and painful war, you also conveyed the shock regarding Craine's absence well and, WOW. Lorewolf really got mad, what, shouting and swearing and smashing chairs through windows. It was all very dramatic and I could totally see it happening like in an anime or something. Actually, this whole scene played in my head like an anime which is something that only really happens with stories that I really, really like so GOOD JOB! 8D
The whole passage on where Lorewolf tried to place the blame was very good, a good summary of sorts and a good insight into his thoughts. Actually, all the emotion in and of itself was wonderful as in powerful. When everything was explained, I totally knew that that girl was Lily and was so proud of myself for figuring it out like instantly. - Poor girl, though, I’ll bet she blames herself a good deal. 8[
The letter to Lorewolf didn’t need to be typed out for me to understand the pain he must feel upon finding and reading it. Good call in not doing that. 8] So happy and blissful and naïve, indeed. Golden times. Will he get them back? DUN. DUN. DUN.
All right, one thing I would suggest is inserting a break between Lorewolf breaking down and him waking up just so it’s obvious that time has passed. Now, getting to what happened when he woke up, I thought that it was just the sweetest thing when he put a shawl about the sleeping Mathia’s shoulders. Such a good son! But so sad! I thought it was a nice touch how he talked to her while she was obviously incapable of hearing him, and I can only imagine the further pain SHE will be feeling when she wakes up to realize that her son has slipped from her grasp once more. But, with that, it seems a much longer plot has kicked off and I’m just like: 8G -el gaspo-
Before, I go off on my thoughts of the rescue mission, JEN! I was super-super happy to see him show up because he’s so col! I thought it was pretty funny how he was all “don’t thank me” and “I’m not a fairy godmother” and all that. X3 He’s fo sho an awesome ally and I hope that that isn’t the last we see of him.
And now… I’m torn because this is “A Tale of Woe” so I would expect a bittersweet ending at best. -pondering- So that makes it a bit tricky if it seems pretty obvious that either the escape is a success and they’re all happy or it fails miserably. Hard to hit inbetween there without going the typical Romeo&Juliet route. But, I think I’m looking too far ahead.
At this point, I’m fairly certain that this development means the story is going to split into two storylines, one dealing with Lorewolf’s search for Craine and something involving Craine himself, then reaching the climax when those two storylines meet up. If that’s the case, Lorewolf’s little dealio's already established. He would merely need to come up with a good plan of action during his journey, y'know, while he builds up a better understanding of Crain’s situation. Like… I could see him picking up a few allies and then all of them secretly storming that mansion-place by posing as guards because maybe there's ALSO a revolution underway… OH. OH. And then he goes to Craine’s room like a pervy guard only he’s not a pervy guard because he’s LOREWOLF and Craine would be all “Oh my god. Those bleepers got me high.” BUT HE'S NOT. XD -insert moment of happiness before tragic and unspecified end- But that’s just me guessing completely and totally.
-thinks- That leaves what would be going down with Craine. I dunno. I think Solter should play a big part with whatever’s happening with him. I also think he should maybe make a few friends with another slave or something. I dunno… But there are SO many open doors right now it’s crazy. So…
WRITE. UPDATE. PLEASE. -wags tail- I’m totally awaiting more! 8'D
| miraakira 1/11/10 . chapter 6
OK SO THE NEXT CHAPTER SHOULD TOTLALY BE ABOUT CRAINE, MAYBE HIM TRYING TO ESCAPE AND FAILING (THOUGH I REALLY WANT HIM AN LORE TO BE TOGETHER) BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE SOME DRAMA DON'T WE LOL. THAT'S JUST MY THOUGHTS ANYWAYS. LOVE THIS CHAP SO EMOTIONAL! UPDATE SOON.
| KLIM 1/11/10 . chapter 6
So sad when Lorewolf and Mathia argue. This chap is so touching. Like it.
| lilacsun 1/11/10 . chapter 1
This is one of my favorites here. please don't stop. anything. just give them a happy ending! please please please! let Lorewolf find Craine. Let it notbe too late for both of them! I've waited so long for an update. so please please don't stop!
| Palm Tree 1/10/10 . chapter 5
I always get so wound up to write every time I read scenes like the first one here. It inspires me so much that I can’t help it and BLARGINFLAGIN. Focusing. I felt really bad for Craine. You described his feelings well on top of quickly summarizing all that’s led up to those feelings being developed. Indeed, it gave the impression that he was broken so that was a total success that just had me going “DAW” the whole time.
I do have to admit that the sex itself was a bit crude for my taste but that’s not a bad thing since I think the crudeness better matched the situation at hand. I mean. I don’t think poetic sex would be quite as effective, if you know what I mean. XD; Really. Thank God my brothers are asleep now because you weren’t kidding. Although not as much as I expected because of your warning, that was pretty explicit. I thought that the whole round two thing was a nice touch because that was just sick. One step away from necrophilia, there. So, poor Craine, for realz. Better yet, OUCH. DOUBLE OUCH for his awakening scene with the cries of frustration and all that. Poor, baby. ;;
And then TRIPLE OUCH. I seriously had to pull away from the computer and say “Oh, god, another flashback” because it was so awesomely evil. -gives “WIN” trophy- Expectedly, it was just as adorable as the first and I couldn’t help but smile at the yaoi fangirling mothers because that’s exactly how I’d be. XD They’re awesome because they project the reactions of us fanatic readers into the story itself. I also want to say that I liked the dialogue in these scenes because I thought it was at various points really, really clever. I also really thought the present was amazing because who doesn’t want a big white horse? Like I said, it was all just incredibly precious. Not as painful to read as I initially thought, and a well timed lightener of the mood.
Only to be ripped viciously apart when it cuts to Mathia alone in the deserted inn of death. D8 Poor Mathia. I feel so bad for her, but WAIT. GOOD NEWS. LOREWOLF IS BACK. OH, thank the heavens like crazy. Well handled, and well timed, that. -sigh of relief- I mean, normally, I’d probably be pretty upset because of the cliffhanger but I’m a lucky sucker that’s managed to pick up the story just about the time you updated after forever and a day. ;D -waves victory flag-
If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to hit that most recent chapter up tonight as well! Wish me luck!
| Palm Tree 1/10/10 . chapter 4
AH. It was just GREAT to get to see what Lorewolf was up to. I missed him. D’8 So it’s for sure nice to know that he’s still alive and all that. The conversation he had with Old Jen and Egal was very well done since, YES. Very solider-like, like that. It was believable and did well to build up sympathy for all three. Which sort of tipped me off to what tends to happen in stories of war when there’s a moment of happiness. BURN HAPPINESS, BURN (says the god of war). So, yeah, even though I saw it coming, it was still a gasp-worthy moment of sadness when Egal died. Worst sentence to be cut off on ever, AMIRIGH’? But I’m glad that Old Jen made it because I thought he was totally cool and would love to see him get tight with Lorewolf in a friendship way so that Lorewolf can mature all that more with his guidance and all that good stuff. - But, getting back to Egal and his death…
LKGJRLBJNLKANB. That moment. THAT. MOMENT. And just them all talking about their people back home. It reminded me of another series (“Saikano”) where that exact same thing pretty much happened and, when bad things happened, it was like AH. NU. But this was much better, by far. -did not really like "Saikano"-
By the way… -sweat- I’m sorry if you don’t like it when I compare your work to others so, yeah, I’m apologizing for that now. ’ When I do that, I’m not saying that the two works are totally identical, because they’re always totally not. I’m just saying “this made me think of this”, but they’re both still clearly different things. -nod nod- So. Just clearing the air so you know that “A Tale of Woe” in no way seems exactly-exactly like another thing I’ve seen or read. Yay for originality! 8D
You also just obviously depicted the whole war thing very well with the surge. Again, really realistic and the whole thing really did a good job of actually putting the reader there.
Then the flashback. -sighness-
Oh, it was beyond precious and I’m sure that you’ve probably heard this already a million times but Craine and Lorewolf are just my friggin’ OTP and they’re so cute and that flashback was a heartstring-puller. Very well placed considering it better colored in their relationship and totally made it impossible to not feel that much more agony over Craine’s situation. It pretty much just made me realize how much I love Mathia and how adorably naïve Craine was and how adorably “macho” Lorewolf was. It all just flatout worked and the cut from the happy promise scene to Craine’s little predicament was IT. HOLLAH. -gives 'Win' badge-
Another great chapter, of course, and I’m still sitting at the edge of my seat like… BAD THINGS. So. Bring on the bad things, Solter. BRING. IT. ON.
| Narq 1/10/10 . chapter 6
Ah A very very sad chapter indeed! but it proved to be a good summary for everything that had happened so far :P
About critiques, I find that you overwrite quite a bit. For example:
[Lorewolf remained stunned.] - you could have just have a short and powerful. "Stunned."
[He sounded as if he was about to cry anytime.] - the "anytimes" isn't necessary.
[“You don’t expect that pure child to stay cowardly aside when a child and an old lady were attacked, don’t you?”] - the double "child" seems to be annoying me. Perhaps this would be better "“You don’t expect that pure youth (?) to stay cowardly aside when a girl and an old lady were attacked, don’t you?"
[They were men, armed with those deadly weapons and I am nothing but an old woman, weak and unskilled. ] - sounds overdone, like she's begging for his mercy or something. This is strong enough "They were men, armed wtih those deadly weapons."
[“I was there when everything started.” She explained.] - this should be "I was there when everything started," she explained."
Okay, that was about it. I'm pretty sure I spotted a cliche "a tear slid down his cheek" or something similiar, but I can't find it at the moment. Anyways, I hope you don't get offended, but there sure is a number of critiquing here... but that's because I like this story!
| Riku-Fangirl 1/10/10 . chapter 6
Oh I enjoyed it! Fun read this is...the second most favorite story on FP I LOVE IT!
It has a very good plot, though generic...but you put really god twists in it and things to keep me reading. Crain is a sweetie and Lorewolf is so...determined...I love it. *might do fanart*
I think you should have a long chapter..spliting it in two...one half on Crain and one half on Lorewolf...and at the end the confruntation of the two
lovers! *dreamy sigh*
Then though I hate clifhangers...thats a great way to do it XD