It's not pathetic, but a bit too teenage-angst style with the format (I'm not a huge fan of all the punctuation between the words).

But the sentiment's decent enough, and I appreciate the time and effort it takes to make a sentence flow in two different directions like that.

I love this poem. It's like you're in the head of a tenth/seventh grade me. I like how everything in the parentheses completely contradicts what is on the outside. It's kind of like what you're saying to him versus what you really mean. Maybe because you're afraid to say how you truly feel. It's sort of like the whole "keeping up appearances" thing.

I would definitely call that a poem. In fact, I would call it one of the best I've read in quite some time, though I might be a little biased seeing as how I find myself in a situation rather similar to that of the speaker.

It was a bit fast-paced and slightly jumbled, but that's what makes the poem work: it's written in a way that mirrors the way the speaker feels. The lack of spaces between the words in parantheses is great because it makes that part seemed even more rushed, which makes sense since that's the part the speaker doesn't really want to admit. Great job!

I love this. Its brilliant, the way you've done it. I dont know what else to say really, except that it touched me perhaps cause what you've written about reminds me of my own feelings for someone.
Keep up the good work
x

lmao, i absolutely loved this poem! i thought it was original and very unique. i agree that it seemed a little jumbled being put all together like that but i wouldn't change it if i were you because it gives it character. Again, GREAT JOB!

i really liked this "poem"
i was very unique and i have never read anything quite like it.
I'm not sure if i could call it a poem but i liked it nevertheless.
it was a bit confusing to read though. the only change that i'd say you might want to make is separating it a little more so it's not as jumbled.
again, i throughly enjoyed it.