I must say you are a really good writer and that I'm a little disappointed that this particular story isn't going to be continued.
Oh, one thing that confused me. Did you mean to switch from first to third and back again?

Whoa hey there. Just gotta love it when people pull guns willy-nilly? It makes life interesting, nonetheless.

But yeah, this is really good, you definitely know how to work your descriptions just right.

You aren't going to continue it? Shame.